The Awkward Trial: Start of Love

Hey there!

I come back with this one stuff. A new poem. Lately condition in my office is fun to me, so that I'm kind of opened to listen to my friends' stories, and I found them interesting. Here it is.

My office allows its employees to date or even marry each others. How cool is that?

So I heard stories regarding some couples there. The most inspiring one was from my teammate's, who was just married about one month ago. When he first dated his wife, such idea just popped up in his mind, accidentally, even in that day he was still dating 2 other girls. But then they just went dating, and at night when he was calling his girlfriends, he suddenly thought about that girl who is now his wife. Just that simple, how love can start. In an unpredictable way.

I'm just amazed of how it started only by a dinner-for-two moment, once.

And then I'm also inspired by Endy's Green Light. I don't know why I'm becoming a huge fan of songs that he composes and sings, but this Green Light one is just lyrically unique. I have always wanted to write a poem which words are like in Green Light lyrics, then I'm eventually inspired by my workdays. How?

There's a civil case handled by my office. I and team drafted the documents and edited them over and over. Since our client is foreign company, I am given task to translate all those documents (and now I become sworn translator in team a.k.a penerjemah disumpahin). Now that I keep reading and translating, some words creep into my mind and I can't forget them. So I made a decision. If Green Light is regarding riding cars in the street, waiting for green light to move forward, I make this one new poem as a trial process, waiting for the verdict to be executed.

Here it is. Do you love it or hate it? Because I love it so much!

It all started from a dinner
Dispute in myself grows harder
While I swear we'll never get closer
Every settlement can't separate us further

You come to my senses
I'm damaged, need your compensations

My mind now sues my heart
Charging that I breach my own contract
Your sweet favor made this lawsuit looks hard
There'll be no objections in front of the judge

The little things you notice in me
Breaks term and condition prevailed previously
Who cares of what you are or what you'll be
While in your eyes it's only me you see?

Don't put me in obscurity
You won't want me to seize you for security

The evidences show you're never a good option
But even my brain can't deal this in mediation
Solving this case, I need to write conclusion
And let's expect the verdict becomes affection

I have a lot of fun beside you
Don't revoke, so I stay longer with you

This poem's title has been changed 2 times, until I decided it as 'The Awkward Trial'. When I was done writing, I read again and felt like I didn't really put the 'love' in it. But then I realize, this poem is inspired by a 'start of love', not yet love. So I think, in this poem, the subject is still arguing with his/her heart and mind to decide whether he/she will fall in love or not. He/she is waiting for a final verdict. While waiting, he/she is enjoying each day of the trial.

And I seriously love, I repeat, I love this poem.

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Suddenly Love

"Dia menyukaimu karena kamu berbakat."

Begitulah bunyi jawaban kartu ramalan teman baikku ketika aku bertanya apakah kamu pernah menyukaiku, lalu kutarik satu lembar dari banyak kartu yang berserakan. Aku tertawa. Dua teman baikku yang lain juga tertawa.

"Wajar," kataku, "Memang begitulah aku di matanya selama ini."

Aku bertemu kamu di penghujung tahun lalu. Kesan yang kutangkap ada dua: kamu secerdas yang pernah diceritakan kepadaku, dan kamu menguasai bidang keahlianmu. Secara fisik, minus kacamata, kamu sempurna sebagai tipe pria kesukaanku. Namun di hari pertemuan itu, aku sudah jatuh cinta pada salah satu teman baikku.

Bukannya aku tidak melihatmu sama sekali, meski begitu. Bagaimana bisa? Yang mewujudkan mimpiku adalah kamu. Yah, mimpi itu. Mimpi tentang kata yang kurangkai, yang mengalur bersama nada. Tentu kamu jelas terlihat di mataku. Tidak kabur, apalagi berbayang. Sosokmu terang, nyata.

Aku mengagumi kamu. Tidak bisa tidak.

Sayangnya, saat bekerja denganku, kamu bukan si nomor satu di hati dan benakku.

Kemudian kamu memperlihatkan kepada seluruh dunia tentang ketertarikanmu pada seseorang. Ya, seseorang yang tidak kukenal, mamun aku tahu dia sama sekali tidak seperti aku. Dengan kata lain, bukan aku. Aku terdiam. Terbersit kekecewaan yang lalu berhasil kutepis.

Aku. Hanya. Penggemarmu.

Karenanya, aku tidak berhak cemburu pada seseorang itu. Ditambah lagi aku sadar aku tidak pernah jatuh cinta padamu, yang mendorongku untuk menuangkan pemikiranku tentang 'cinta yang tidak selalu dimulai dari penampilan fisik atau tipe kesukaan'. Kutulis pemikiranku, dan kusebarkan kepada publik. Entah kamu membacanya atau tidak.

Ya, saat itu aku sadar aku tidak pernah jatuh cinta padamu. Meski kamu tipe kesukaanku, meski kamu yang membantu mewujudkan mimpiku.

Tapi pagi ini aku merasa aneh. Kudengar lagu kesukaanku yang kamu ingat, lalu tiba-tiba...aku menginginkanmu. Tiba-tiba kamu masuk ke benakku. Tentu hal ini bukan yang pertama kali, mengingat aku penggemarmu, tapi tetap aku merasa aneh.

Aku tiba-tiba menyukaimu.

Dan aku kesal ramalanku mengatakan kamu melihatku hanya karena aku berbakat, yang juga tidak seberapa. Aku bukan seniman. Aku hanya pekerja biasa, yang tidak memerlukan kreatifitas. Pun perlu, bukan secara artistik. Mengapa bukan diriku saja yang kamu sukai? Mengapa kamu melihatku hanya sebagai sumber daya manusia, bukan sebagai wanita?

Sudahlah.

Salahku sendiri yang terlambat menyadari keberadaanmu.

I first met you while having my tea

You called, came, smiled at me

It happened unplanned but naturally

You took me to a world where you used to be

I once stated I never fell for you

I guess everyone noticed, including you

Kind of sure what I believed was true

Until this morning I listened to you

I am just a fangirl passing by

I have nothing for you to give a try

But a small thought of you made me fly

This time, I resist to say goodbye

Like a fool, I feel this so suddenly

A love I feel, too late for you to see

I see how I'll fight with this hopelessly

For I know we're never meant to be

You taught me how to create serenade

As I listened carefully right at your side

I remember every moment you made

Through your words, it was me that you guide

You once made my dream came true

Now that it was done, I want you too

I hear your voice, I feel hugged by you

Out of every vocal, I only sense you

Slowly I write, I open my two eyes

I drink my tea again and realize

Out of reach, still it's you I recognize

So I close my book to stop the paralyze

I am just a fangirl passing by

Just a talent you knew worth to try

After it was wrapped, you said goodbye

As I stay, wiping tears of late regret I cry

Teruntuk kalian yang sedang atau pernah jatuh cinta kepada sang idola

P.s: Suddenly Love is the title of the poem herein

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