12/22/11

Happy Ending

I passed the bar exam! YAY!


The news was spread this morning. First I got the news from my coworker via BlackBerry Messenger, that made my heart skipped beats. Suddenly I forgot about all wishes, I concentrated on this matter, I pray to God to make me pass. I tried to see the announcement from Torchy, but I couldn't open the .pdf file, damn! So I just copied and pasted the Peradi link and posted it in BlackBerry Messenger group chat for PKPA participants.

Then one of my PKPA friend replied in group chat, congratulated me for passing the test. I didn't believe it because I thought he thought I had passed. So I did private chat with him, and this is it:


I got 2 private chats afterwards, both were from my coworkers. The lawyer coworker congratulated me and asked for celebration. The secretary coworker sent me this chat:


That one was private chat to secretary from the witch. Yeah that forgotten witch. I didn't think he would give such a damn, but he probably just passed by the Peradi website and found my name. Not that I don't accept his good will, because I told the secretary to send my thanks to him. I guess we could really reconcile now.

So, this is it! My prayer all this time has been answered with a positive one! I passed the exam and now I'm the candidate for advocate! YAY! YAY! YAY! Happy ending!


Who says? -___-'

As in that song, each happy ending is a brand new beginning. I haven't even become a lawyer yet. There are still so much to do until I become one. I must write 3 criminal case trial reports and 6 private case trial reports during next two years, as a proof of my internship in a law firm. Then I must make some more documents. I must also prepare documents to get temporary permission from Peradi. So so so lazyyyy -___-' but I must do that! I've been one step ahead to make my dream, of becoming a lawyer, come true. I can't  stop here, never.

Well, congratulations to everyone who passed the bar exam too, then! I found some friends passed and some failed, but the ones who failed are them who were not prepared enough for the exam or didn't understand procedural law, so I think it makes sense.

Let's celebrate now! Buy cakes! Buy food! Dye my hair red! It's a happy happy day!

12/20/11

Forgotten (Under The Spotlight)

Good morning! What's the story today? I have two.

This morning, the public car that I got ride to office was broke. Darn. So I must walked from toll road in front of Paramadina University to my office with my knee still injured. I wish it was good for recovering, although in fact it's getting worse .___. 

But yesterday I was so happy. Maybe not happy, but...excited. I felt awesome. Remember my post about the witch story? I met this witch yesterday when I was on my way home. I wanted to get a ride in a public car, and when I looked at the back seat somebody was waving to me. I waved back while questioning 'who is he?' and tried to sit on middle seat, but then I looked to the back seat again, the waving person asked me where the secretary was, then I was like...POP! Oh my Gosh, it was the witch! LOL! If I'm not mistaken, this is the second week since he left office, but I already forgot his unimportant face. Then because the middle seat was too full, I moved to other car, also because I was lazy breathing air in the same car with the witch.  

I checked my BlackBerry Messenger contact for fun, and found out the witch was no more in my list! Oh my God! It means he already removed me! YAY! I actually planned to do that, but I felt like it wasn't too important to do, besides I don't really care whether he's in my list or not, it won't affect my life. But don't you think it's awesome when I act cool all this time, then the person I don't care at all about whether he's dead or alive hate just left on his own without my push? I feel sooo awesome! I feel like partyin'! LOL!

Okay let's go back to poem. So, this is my last verses of the post I made in Plurk. This one is about you can't see anyone else but the person you love. Seeing this person gives you bravery to come near him/her, and suddenly you feel like the world approves you two to be together. Hate it? Love it? oh yeah, the title is Under The Spotlight.


I couldn't see anyone else
in мγ sight no one was there
all I see was yőυ and yőυ alone
as if yőυ're the only thing alive on this earth

bravery came out of мγ body and soul
I walked straight right to yőυ
I moved freely beside yőυ
the way the spotlight was shining on us

suddenly every eye was staring at us
the crowd remained in silence
Giving us time to collide
Giving us space to shine together

like two comets wε crashed
wε bumped into each other
But wε never been destroyed
for wε completed each other

Perfection (The Ghost Story)

According to my previous post, this one is the second four verses of the post I made in Plurk when I was possessed. You know what...if a spirit or a ghost can be so poetic, it's not too scary. Indeed it's some kind of cool because when it possessed me I could be more poet than ever.

Actually, because I never seen it, I don't really believe that ghost or spirit appear in scary shape. It might just be caused by human's imagination, because psychologically what human thinks can come true. But who knows, I think this way because I never seen, and I wish I never will. 

if a ghost looked like this, would you still be afraid?

By the way, some employees in office next door were frequently possessed. I don't understand why, but most of them who were possessed had just come from the toilet but not the toilet near my office. Some people said it's because the toilet is dirty so the genies, ghosts, or spirits, like to stay there and possess people. I don't see how they can conclude that way, like they already known the ghosts personally and ever interviewed them about that. To me, those possessed people were just in stress or depression, they might had too much to think about, deeply, until their mind couldn't stand it and went crazy. 

Oh hell, what am I talking about? Isn't this post about my new poem? Why was I talking about ghost? damn, I was distracted -______-

So, this one poem is still about the attractive person you adore, or you love. You become so poetic when you think of this person or when you're with this person, and you love to hear this person name is called and you like to call it too until you can't stand it. this person is perfect with the imperfection. you just fall so simply.

I bet yőυ never knew
how every poetic silly words
always came up when yőυ were there
with all that imperfect perfection

I bet yőυ never knew
that every time yoυя name was called
I want to record so I can turn and listen to it
for uncountable times

when the time came for yőυ
yőυ stepped on the dance floor
beautifully you were moving
like yőυ spend yoυя entire life to dance

in the crowd yőυ were shining
brighter than every star I seen in the sky
glowing like a diamond in the sand
that undeniably caught my eye

Love it? Hate it? Personally, I love the words I put in. Please comment. Oh, I nearly forgot, the poem title is Perfection.

Rhythm of Love

Hello again! 

Well, so, yesterday noon I was like possessed by a flirty poetic spirit. in Plurk, I made a random post including its responses. I wrote some kind of poem, but more like a story with so much poetic words like metaphors. I made a long one until I got tired.

I really was carried on. I was possessed. I didn't understand what was got into me, I just smoothly wrote everything. One thing I still aware about is the inspiration source, which I won't explain here because it's a top secret. I just didn't know how it can be so long, so huge. 

So this one poem is about being attracted to someone you know. Someone who is physically attractive at first, but then everything about this person affects you like giving you more energy and hypnotize you, and when you're with this person you hear a melody called love.

 
words were spoken softly
through that electrical voice
smile was carved perfectly
came up with unforgettable laughter

boosted up all the lost energy
in this tired body
until мγ two feet were ready
to tap on the dance floor

was just mξ but felt as if
your pretty eyes were staring at these moves
was helplessly nothing but moving
through the music with empty head

heart skipped the beats
rhyming through мγ tapping feet
over and over until I can’t count
as I knew yőυ were standing there

I ran back to yőυ
right when the melody was stopped
but all I heard was nothing through мγ ears
but the rhythm of Ľovε

do you love it or hate it? this is just the first five verses out of, correct me if I'm wrong, 13 verses. The post I made in Plurk was so long, so I must split them into more than a poem. This one is the first, which title is like the title of this post. Please give comments!

12/19/11

To Love You At Your Worst


Today I finally got Adam Lambert's new single, Better Than I Know Myself. Such a beautiful music combined with beautiful lyrics, performed by beautiful voice. So inspiring. I am inspired.


This morning actually I have been thinking about some words I want to put in my new poem, but I still had no idea of the title and the content. But then after I listened to Better Than I Know Myself for maybe 5 times in a row LOL I got idea for a new poem, which title is At Your Worst. 

Like the lyrics in Better Than I Know Myself, my poem is also about can't let go of someone we love. We love him/her so much, but there are times we want to leave, but in the end we come back to him/her because we can't let him/her go. In Adam's song, the reason of not letting go is because the person knows us better than we know ourselves. But in my poem, the reason is because the person is the one for us and likewise. 

So, do you love it or hate it? Please drop some words!

I'm not looking for someone like you
I'm looking for you
The perfection with imperfection
The beauty with deep scar

To love you at your worst
Is the reason I was born in this world
When people look for a reason to love
Love is my reason to start

You're not my dream comes true
Because my reality is about you
There are times I can hate you too
But I can't find why I must leave you

I'm knocking on your door patiently
Waiting for you to let me in
I'm calling out your name silently
Hoping for you to hear and come in

You may not be what I'm looking for
But you're the one who completes me
And I may not be what you dream of
But I'm the one you need only

Oh...I edited some words a little. Still it doesn't change the content of the poem.

12/15/11

Standing Out

I am wondering this morning of who I should be and what kind of girl I must be, and all I know is I love being me. though sometimes I feel like wrong being me for I ain't no like any other girls, but like I can change myself to be someone else.  

 

why would I try to fit in if I'm best at standing out?  

 

 

enough for me that in this life I ain't no fit in society, instead I found people who can accept my uniqueness. 

 

people think of me as strong and solid, unlike any other girls, and I won't deny it for it is who I am. instead of being afraid that my strength will scare people, I'd love more to think of what I can do for people with this strength.  

 

I want to give strength to the weak and inspire the lost.
 

I want to dare the quiet to speak up and bring the sad to laughter. 

 

I want to find keys to open locked doors and climb the high walls. 


I want to help people to love themselves by being the person they love to be.


And that's my way of standing out.

12/12/11

Deadly Miss You

Yesterday I spent my whole day at home for some bed rest to cure injury on my knee. I, who lately is used to play outside, felt like somehow lonelier and I don't really like having a leisure time like that. Leisure time will let me think. When I think, I'll think deep. While thinking deep, I will recall. When I recall and think deep, I will imagine and hope. When my imaginations and hopes don't come true, I will fall hard and get hurt.

That's why I don't really like leisure time at home, doing nothing like that. Because I was born that way, the deep-thinker. 

But then, I just took the good side. I can get some rest and today my knee is getting better, though still it hurts when I walk and bend. I ate a lot too...errr I don't know whether it's good or bad because I officially gain weight -___- 


And I wrote a poem. I was some kind of inspired by a situation when you just met somebody yesterday, and you already miss him/her today as if you both haven't met for a long time. You feel stupid but you can't help it, you just have no choice but go with it. You deadly miss this person, as I title my poem. When you think of him/her, your heart beats faster than ever. You can't think of anyone else, until you wonder what happens with you and whether this person is made for you. Overrated, yes, LOL, but I think that's what art is about.

But I haven't written this kind of theme since long ago, so I tried to, and I spent a little much time writing this because I wasn't used to. So, do you love it or hate it? 

Call mξ mad or even insane
I even wonder where's мγ mind
Heart skips beat less than a  second
As in мγ head yőυ run around

I recall every moment wε passed by
More than I think of yőυ every day
Every move of yőυrs that caught мγ eye
Every smile of yours that let mξ die

Say whatever but I deadly miss yőυ
Yoυя eyes, yoυя laugh, and yoυя voice too
I miss times мγ dream came true
When I walked there right beside yőυ
It's just a day passed by, I know
But yesterday feels not enough to show

I don't get what happens to mξ
Мγ heart like screams uncontrollably
Calling for yőυ to set it free
Like nobody else could be made for mξ

Are yőυ the one I've been yearning for?
The sun that lights мγ earth brighter
If I loved yőυ, would yőυ love mξ more?
So wε can turn this world better

12/5/11

Understanding Perfectly


Last Friday, I wrote a poem in less than 10 minutes right before I left office. The condition was funny, because the key holder was not in office, so my colleagues wanted to leave soon because the secretary must lock the door. But since I knew the secretary would visit bank first, I told her to leave first and I would lock the door. Everyone was agree, so I was left alone just for writing this poem. LOL.

This poem alone was inspired by a chat with my boy. He told me something like somebody said I wasn't fit for something I dream to have, while another person deserves it. I was like 'what? even this person only met me once but how come I was judged like that?' My head was spinning around, but then I found an inspiring song by Hey Monday, titled Set Off, which lyrics are about going on with something we deserve although everyone disagrees. And I also heard the secretary hummed Aku Milikmu by Dewa 19, then I downloaded and listened to it, which was also inspiring because the lyrics are about holding on someone we love no matter what people say.

The poem I made is some kind of different. I was like judged 'I don't understand what I dream about', so I thought quite hard. I thought we can never really understand anything, anyone, perfectly, especially anyone. Every person is just very typical and special, none of us are the same. That's why I think that understanding perfectly is nonsense, there's no such a thing. What we do with each other, especially with closest person, people we love, is not a pure understanding. It is more about giving space, time, and respect. We give them space to act and do what they like. We give them time alone with themselves when they feel comfortable most. We respect them, as long as they are not doing bad things. Even if it's bad, we only need to tell and and stop them. Whether they really will stop or not, it's their own concern and it will be their risk, not ours.

So, here's the poem. Unlike the title of this post, I titled it 'Understanding You.' Love it? Hate it? Check it out :)

I don't understand yőυ
I wasn't made to do that about yőυ
I was just born to Ľovε yőυ
Every single piece of yőυ

I don't understand yőυ
I never even promise that to yőυ
But all I can see in this world is yőυ
The one for mξ is none but yőυ

I don't understand yőυ
Nor listen to anything they say about yőυ
I am just here, right beside yőυ
Believing myself that I'm the one for yőυ
Catching every good out of bad things in yőυ
Giving space and respect to appreciate yőυ

I don't understand yőυ
Understanding mξ is not what I ask from yőυ
Just let mξ be an important part of yőυ
For replying this zillion of Ľovε to yőυ

I edited it when I retyped it in Torchy, so a few words would be found different from what I wrote in my agenda. Still it doesn't change the whole content.

11/29/11

I Will Follow



Wow, why did I do this? LOL I don't even know, I just wanted to try writing a poem with pen, and on a paper. Too bad, my handwriting is so screwed up, but I honestly has predicted this. Say that I just wrote it on my book because I need a photograph for this post. LOL.

This poem alone is inspired by my conversation yesterday with my girl. We were talking about many things like personally, when we were walking from a mall to another. She was kind of inspiring me when she talked about 'following where the heart goes'. About not to lie to ourselves and go where our hearts lead us to. So, I end up writing this poem.

For I don't know how many times
I am trapped in your invitation
Who can stand looking at you standing there
While touching you is all I always want to do?

You're such a cold ice mountain
Hard to break like a solid wall of stone
Who am I to be inside your world
While I'm not even strong enough to knock on your door?

But I quit running from myself
I stop wondering what to do or I should do
Where my heart goes I will follow
Where my hands touch I will go
Where my body lays I will stay
And it's all going towards you

You're a reality better than my every dream
The one that keeps me fall to the ground
Let me in, let me in, let me be inside you
For I'm the only one in this world to handle you

There it is. Love it? Hate it? I alone am not too confident with that since I wrote less words than usually. But it's written, and there it is.

11/28/11

Time is Up



I had funny conversation with my friends in WhatsApp chat group. So, one of my girls finally got a boyfriend last Friday night, then she told us in Saturday. In that chat, one of my boys acted as if he was jealous that this girl finally dates somebody and said he has composed song lyrics for that moment, but he hasn't made the music. I challenged him to upload his lyrics to the chat bar so that I could write a poem to reply it. He did it, we all read it and like touched because the lyrics were about losing someone to someone else and the subject ends up regret everything. It contains of some unusual words, that is why I really respect my friend for being some kinda talented.

Then I wrote a poem for the reply, which did not even take more than 10 minutes. The reply itself is about someone who has fought for the one she/he loved but failed because this beloved one did not let her/him in, so she/he gave up and told the beloved one not to search for her/him because she/he had decided to be with someone else.  

I don't know whether this is talent or what, but I guess it's not. Because I actually just re-used some words I have put in my previous poem, Farewell Rhyme, for the main idea is pretty much similar. LOL I know this is bad, not creative in other words. Ugh but like I care, I somehow like this poem. Its title is Time is Up, I really had no idea of others.

I spent ♏y lifetime for yőυ
Sailed with this broken ship
Just so that I can reach yoυя shore
And make ♏y own paradise

I spread ♏y wings and flown high
So high to reach yoυя sky
I believed heaven was there
Right in yoυя arms that I dreamed of

But the waves hit ♏y ship
The shore I saw was getting further
Lightning stroke ♏y wings
And they were torn into two
Yoυя sky was getting higher
While ♏y heart crashed the ground

Breaking yoυя wall takes a hard work
Opening yoυя door needs patience
While waiting for yőυ is nonsense
For yőυ never ever let mξ in

♏y time is up, I can't wait any longer
I see how wε're not meant to be
So I throw ♏y hopes away
To find a light that leads mξ

Don't come back to find mξ
I am nowhere for yőυ now
I have decided to live ♏y own path
The way yőυ live in yoυя world

11/21/11

Farewell Rhyme

Yesterday I was waiting for my friends to go to a wedding together but I came too early while they were late. Because I had no idea where to go, I went to the ladies toilet and sat on the washing stand. There, I listened to songs from Touchy, my iPod Touch, while I was chatting with Plurkers in Whatsapp, using Torchy, my white Blackberry Torch.  

Actually, yesterday was a 'moment' for me. I realized finally that I wanted something that I am not required to reach. Something that only takes an extraordinary person to have, whom is not me. I lost faith in myself right when I recalled every moment of myself trying to reach out. I can't go on anymore. This one thing is too hard. This is an unsolved math equation. Uncompounded puzzle pieces. While I always failed working on equations and puzzles because I don't like them. So, I decide to let go. I say goodbye, but I don't release it with hate. The problem is in both of me and that thing, not in something that connects us. I don't blame anyone for this. I just say goodbye, that is.

And to celebrate the moment, I got a haircut too. But before it, when I was sitting on the washing stand, I wrote a poem. I was some kind of inspired by Owl City's Lonely Lullaby and Dia Frampton's Inventing Shadows. Here it is.

I put back the book to the shelf
'Cause I can't find the key to unlock it
I change ♏y sailing direction
'Cause the wave resists ♏y ship

It takes a strong pouring rain
To break a cold solid stone
It takes a heart that never give in
To fight so hard and open the door

I am not good enough for yőυ
I fail to find yoυя key
I am unable to reach yoυя shore
I can't break yoυя wall of bricks
Not required to open yoυя gate
Goodbye I say to yoυя paradise

Yőυ stand there alone with yourself
Comfortable with loneliness
Never let anyone come in
Nobody can enter yoυя world

But yoυя beauty is truly pure
Yőυ're the realest thing I wanted
Better than every dream of mine
That I loved for what yőυ are

I hope that yőυ find happiness
With what yőυ are or what yőυ'll be
I am here praying for yőυ
As a friend that yőυ can call true

11/16/11

A Book I Want to Read

Phewwwwww...finally, after waited for so long, this poem was successfully composed! Seriously, since 2 weeks ago, when I held a long conversation with my friends, which was a serious one, I have always been thinking about an idea to write this poem.

I was 'judged' (not in a bad term) that I notice a man by his look. I did not deny it, because I am kinda like that. When I was attracted to his look, I would want to know his inside and I will learn to love it, either it's naturally or by mean. I'm not a kind of girl who can let anyone inside, I don't even like being one-sided approached. I like it when a man I love approaches me, but I want to approach him too, so that he knows that I feel the same. I'm a kind of person who believes that there's nothing in this world that we can get without hard work.
 
 
So, this is it. I simply titled this poem 'Book' because I probably don't like a long title lately. And since I also think the title 'Book' has said it all, from the first time the subject found 'him' in a beautiful cover, that she brings him everywhere, until herself who patiently waits until he wants to open the chapter and let her in. Love it? Hate it? Tell me anything!

You are a kind of book
That I will gladly read
I found you in a bookshelf
In a wide library I recognize

You are nothing but attractive
Tempting me with that beauty
Your cover page makes me believe
That I will love you unconditionally

Today I may haven't fallen yet
But I must bring you everywhere
So the world knows you are mine
So no one can steal you from me
Until you open the first chapter
Let me read and love you forever

You're too real to be in my dream
So close that I can hold you
In a space I call reality
You are my wish comes true

No one else can be your owner
You belong to me ever after
We'll shine and complete each other
Compared to star, we'll be brighter

This could be impossible
But I can't stop all these steps
Giving up on you, I'm unable
Since I feel like told, you need my caress

Please open up and love me
Show me how to reach your ending
I will wait even if it takes my life
For you, the one for me

11/14/11

Favor

Sometimes in life, not everything can go the way you expect. When you do good things, help people for example, doesn't mean they will always like it. Doesn't mean that you will always be appreciated. Mind the time, mind what matters, mind whether you are asked or not. Because if you don't, you'll end up bullying someone with your favor. 

And this poem is for you who had bullied me by helping me. Thanks to you, the heaven now becomes hell for me. But I won't leave because I want to watch you leave.

Thought yőυ were a friend
That I can always count on
Someone I had to depend
But now those days are gone

There's no such sweet thing no more
Since I knew yőυ're just a stranger
Who cuts ♏y ways like a terror
As yőυ freeze ♏y heart colder

It's not a favor, it's a torture
I know yőυ Ľovε to see mξ cry
Yőυ don't help mξ, yőυ just drain mξ
I feel yoυя laughter while I bleed
But I will stay strong and hold on
Cause I know it's yőυ who'll leave

I wonder where I went wrong
And why yőυ always bring mξ down
As if I'm never around
Like I can't scream any sound

Yőυ make mξ hate to see this place
But this is where I belong
♏y decision is to stay here
To see yőυ someday disappear

Never will I lose to yőυ
No matter what yőυ steal from mξ
Until yőυ see mξ above yoυя head
Where yoυя hands couldn't reach mξ

10/31/11

Close To You



I wrote a poem in Saturday. I've already got the idea since few days before, but as usual I want to put much words herein. There was a lesson worth learned when I wrote this poem.

Art is about beauty.
 
When we compose something, either it's poem, song, or even a story, we are allowed to put everything we want inside. But we may not forget the beauty factor. Without it, our work would not be art. We can't be selfish by putting a phrase over and over again just to show the world that we compose a song for someone, for example. Like what I did, I meant to write the poem for someone by putting one phrase over and over again but in the end I didn't feel satisfied. I felt something was wrong with my poem, with too much repeated phrase. 

We can't put repeated phrase in a poem, it will ruin the content. But in song lyrics, it's a different matter. The point is how to create a beautiful work so that people, and ourselves, can consider it as 'art'. For example, I wrote a poem for a man with blue eyes, so I put 'blue eyes' to show that it's for him like this:
 
He's beautiful with those blue eyes
But he acts as cold as ice 
 
Then at the next line I write:
  
His blue eyes captivate me
I have nowhere else to see

Repeated phrase like that will ruin the beauty of a poem, in my humble opinion. Because after I wrote the first version of my poem then I read it, I felt like I messed it up. And until I replaced the repeated phrase, I wasn't satisfied.
 
Well, I said too much. Here is the poem. It's actually titled 'Close' because 'Close To You' is like an old song title, but I just want to title this post like that.

Yőυ've been where I always be
Like I'm a seed and yőυ're the bee
Never realized until I see
Yőυ appear right before mξ

Just like sunshine after the rain
Yőυ open ♏y eyes when yőυ stand
Like a heartbeat this Ľovε grows strong
To yőυ, a home where I belong

I want to stay close to yőυ forever
Cause it's something I rule
Everyday getting closer and closer
To a creature so beautiful
No one else can do it like mξ
So yőυ know that wε're meant to be

Leaves are falling to the ground
The way this world goes round
As ♏y heart keeps calling yőυ out
The way ♏y name is what yőυ shout

I can be the one for yőυ
And it's the greatest thing I  do
I can call yőυ the one for mξ
Together wε make the universe see

Be who yőυ are, don't go too far
I will never leave yőυ alone
Whenever yőυ're lost in yoυя way
I'll come to keep yőυ safe and sound

♏y destiny is to be with yőυ
I am written to stay close to yőυ

10/27/11

Melody


Sooooooooooo Plurk is under maintenance again! I have nothing to do, got no task from boss nor clients, and I'm too lazy studying for bar exam. I had made one power of attorney and now I want some rest, period.

Because of I have nothing to do (but tweeting stupidly with massive Plurkers who usually move to Twitter when Plurk is under maintenance), I remember a poem I want to write. So this morning I got two ideas to write, one is about 'fixing broken relationship' and the other is about 'staying close to someone'. Since the current condition is closer to the first one, so I wrote the first one first. What, repeating? LOL

Have you ever had a good relationship with a friend? You were always together every day and night like you stick to each other, and because of whatsoever short distance you frequently spent times together, just the two of you? Until suddenly, you don't understand why, but your friend acted colder to you and you couldn't stand it so you acted as cold as your friend. Both of you suddenly disconnected, while you know you had some things you can only share with each others. You become strangers to each others. You don't understand your friend, neither does your friend to you. But you two still have something to hold on. The only thing that still connects you, while the rest fails.
 
Yőυ were ♏y melody
I sang about yőυ every night
Can't stop yoυя name rhyming in ♏y head
I remember those perfect days

Now the sky turns darker
As yoυя eyes grow so much colder
I can't hold on yőυ any longer
For nowhere wε'll be never

I try to find the broken pieces
Collect and compound one to others
But no matter how hard I try
No matter how hard yőυ try
Our links have been missing somewhere
And wε fail to find them anywhere

Our hearts lost the connection
Couldn't see yőυ as I did
The way yőυ don't get mξ right
There's no more left of us

But the melody stays around
As the only piece I can find
The only treasure worth holding on
As the rest is disappeared and gone

I don't understand why I finally titled this poem as 'melody', but maybe because it's the meaning of my friend's name and it's the only thing that keeps us together. The truth is I and my friend are strangers to each others since the first time we met until now. I realize that the togetherness we shared was like forced, just because we must spend time together for the 'whatsoever short distant.' But we have one thing that we both love, the really only one thing that ties us.  

It's music.

10/21/11

(The Way) You Are

Yesterday I left my book at office. I should have studied for bar exam by working on those problems, but I left the book. So last night I just read Criminal Procedural Code and memorizing trial periods. But who can stand such a situation? I ended up writing a poem I've been wanting to write since last week.  

So I had a conversation with my friend, about a mysterious beautiful person. We chat until we reached a point of what I would do to this person if he wants to be with me in such a mysterious condition. I said I don't matter as long as he's doing the best for himself, for us, and he's doing it for good. As long as he treats me right and loves me the way I deserve, I'm okay with that.

Then I came up with this poem. 


Wε're sitting on a table for two
I spend ♏y time questioning yőυ
Yőυ just laugh and smile at Мξ
Leaving Мξ with a big mystery

I am wondering forever
About who yőυ are, what yőυ like
How yőυ do and who yőυ Ľovε
And still I can't find any answers

Yőυ're an unsolved math equation
Uncompounded puzzle pieces
I'm not good enough to finish yőυ
But everyday I let yőυ know
That yőυ're beautiful the way yőυ are
So yőυ don't have to go so far

If yőυ turn yoυя heart around
Yőυ know yőυ'll always have Мξ found
Yőυ can trust Мξ all the time
Don't think that I'll leave yőυ behind

Yőυ're a treasure I've been searching
Beside yőυ I'm brightly shining
Believe that wε're made for each other
'Cause only with Мξ yőυ do better

The way yőυ are is wonderful
Everyday I learn to Ľovε yőυ like a fool
A picture perfect, that's yőυ and Мξ
Drawn by God so the world can see

Look at Мξ and change yoυя mind
Fall for Мξ and be mine
I'll Ľovε yőu for every piece yőυ have
In every second of yoυя life

10/19/11

Hold On

Geez, what did I do? Writing poem in a car on my way to office? LOL. Well, actually I got this poem idea since Monday. This poem is about someone who made you believe in love again, but this person never means to go anywhere with you. Still, this person wants you to stay, holding on to you, and you don't know why.

Why do yőυ hold on Мξ?

It was in the middle of summer
When I did not believe in Ľovε
Thought that I'd always live alone
Numb and cold, couldn't feel ♏y heart

But yőυ came around and stay
Change ♏y hours with that smile
Pour every single kindness everyday
Give what I need as if yőυ can read ♏y mind

Should I be happy or should I not?
Cause yőυ do the same thing
Easily not to only Мξ

I've been leaving yőυ behind
Trying to act like yőυ're not in my mind
But, damn, yőυ always come back around
Like there's nowhere else to be found
Keeping yourself safe and sound
By holding on Мξ whenever I'm gone

Why do yőυ hold on Мξ?

I wish yőυ quit and leave Мξ alone
And spend yoυя life with everyone
While yőυ can't seem to let Мξ run
Keep Мξ wondering of what in me that yőυ want

I can't be happy, no, I can't
Cause right now empty hopes
Can kill Мξ right away

Why do yőυ hold on Мξ?
What do yőυ find in Мξ?
Don't keep Мξ questioning forever
What's so hard to ask Мξ to hold on yőυ?

Don't hold on Мξ
Because I'll hold on yőυ

10/17/11

The One

Last Friday I was some kinda inspired by someone who's so beautiful and amazing, so I got an idea to write a poem titled The One. But since there were things happened, I didn't get the words right away. I don't know why I finally wrote this in Saturday morning when I woke up, right still on my bed.

This poem is about finding a beautiful person, but you never knew that this person is beautiful until you two finally met. And then things changed, you two get closer, your relationship is getting mutual, and you find this person is like equal to you. Perfect for you. And you feel like you're also perfect for this person. The beauty of you two blend in a perfect picture. You're perfect, this person is perfect, and you two collide.

Here it is.


Never knew yőυ're beautiful
Never knew yőυ're wonderful
Everything has changed
I breathe in, I breathe out

Yőυ shine as bright as sun
I shine bright beside yőυ
Wε are two perfections collide
Nothing can break us apart

Say yőυ're the one
I call yőυ the one
Heaven whispers quietly
That yőυ're the one for Мξ

Don't yőυ clearly see
That wε were meant to be?
How wε're captured perfectly
Together, yőυ and Мξ?

Yőυ stay forever in ♏y heart
I tell yőυ every day and night
Nobody can do it like us
Wε belong for the rest of our lives

Again, I wish I wrote a song with these words as the lyrics.

10/10/11

Empty Hopes

So I was some kinda mad and sad last Saturday. I had a bad Friday and one of my relative was died suddenly in Saturday morning. I was also disturbed of my friend who seemed to be lying to me, and he is a grantor of empty hopes. When I almost exploded, I wrote these words. If I could play music instrument, I'd compose a song with these.

Yőυ came by surprise
Got yőυ rock ♏y world
Took Мξ from numb
Gave Мξ the sweetest

Yőυ're beautiful
I'm addicted
No matter how I know
Yőυ never mean to go any further

Yőυ're irresistible and such
How would I say no?
But yőυ never, never, ever
Take Мξ anywhere

Yőυ have empty hopes to give
So much, too much to give
To stupid girls like Мξ
To innocent ones like Мξ

Will yoυя empty hopes
Someday become hopes?
I expect it for Мξ
But the decision is on yőυ

It was titled 'Empty Hopes.' It's been a long time, by the way, since I last wrote a poem.

10/6/11

The Grantor of Empty Hopes

The grantor of empty hopes seems like an overrated term to mention 'someone who likes giving empty hopes to his/her opposites, but never want to date one of them.' In Indonesia, it's called Pemberi Harapan Palsu or PHP. But let's forget about overrated or whatsoever, let's just focus on this post.

So, how much of you ever meet or even befriend with this kind of people? I am pretty sure so much of you ever do. I have met this kind of person, male one, and befriend closely, 2 times. Basically this kind of person don't have troubled personality, as far as I knew them. Even they have better personalities than anyone else.

I met the first one when I was in college. I thought I ever wrote about him in some posts in this blog, so I won't write about him in detail. He was cute, really cute, smart, and totally nice. I fell in love head over heels with him because he was physically my type and he always counted on me as if I was the only girl he could trust. He was charming and so nice to me. I always let him go but he always came back to me as if we couldn't be separated. But in the end, he never saw me as a special person. I was just one of his friends. 

I met the second one somewhere only we know, that I can't tell you. This person is superb nice. His attitude got 8 out of 10. His look...well, actually not so good in common, but to me he's cute. We didn't go well at the beginning, both of us seemed to keep distance to each other. He never tried to get closer to me, and I wasn't brave enough to do so because I was so charmed by his cuteness. But time somehow changes everything, since our relationship demands us to get closer and we had no reasons not to be. I heard stories about him, who is close to some girls but never dates any of them, and I have proved that it's true. Since I knew he was never serious to anyone, I thrown away my crush on him. I started to see him as ordinary friends, equal as the others. And what happened then? He never goes any further, he even gets closer to me, and treat me specially like I'm a special person to him. He is superb NICE to me. I already realized this since the first time we talked to each other when he helped me right away about something I need, without I asked. He was nice, and still, it has never changed, even grows stronger. With him, I had nothing to lose. I was poured with kindness, sweetness, nice treatments, even sweet caring words and compliments. I grab them all, yeah, because I am given those. I don't fall in love with him because of those, but I appreciate him. As a grantor of empty hopes, HE GOT CLASS. I know he don't think of me as a special girl, but his attitude never shows it. My point is I have nothing to lose with him. I don't even lose heart because I just follow his pattern and blend myself with him there. If he expects jar of hearts by pouring me with kindness, he can take it because I'm not gonna run out of it. 


Grantors of empty hopes are annoying, yes, because they will never think specially about us. Even if so, they won't let us have further relationship with them. They would only ruin our lives with sweet caring words, compliments, and special treatments. I have no idea why they would do such a thing, but it's probably related to insecurity of being left alone. 

And what should we do when we meet this kind of person? In my opinion and based on my experience, I would just take them all. Those caring attitude, words, compliments, treatments...for I have nothing to lose. I won't be afraid that heart would matter, because when I know this person gives empty hopes, I throw away my crush right at the moment. Grantors of empty hopes are basically not categorized to hated people. I think they don't deserve hatred for they always do nice things. What they can never give us is CERTAINTY. According to one of my posts last year, giving our hearts to grantor of empty hopes can cause CRUSHOPHOBIA. And who will lose anything? It's US.

Just be wise in facing this kind of person. Take the advantages, absorb their kindness until they can't give it anymore. And who will lose then? It's THEM.

9/23/11

If It's Love

If it's love, I want to say some things to you.

I want you to see me as I am, that I'm unlike any others.

I want you to treat me differently, unlike when you treat other girls.

I want you to know that I can love you unlike anyone else do.

I want you to believe that I am your only exception.

I want you to focus on me and stop flirting with other girls.

I want you to want me, and only me.

But...

Only if it's love. 

9/21/11

Simple is Beautiful

Lately I feel so hard to find good local songs. Well seriously their themes are only around broken hearts, uneasy feelings, and wanting to die. What can be taught to people, especially children, with such kind of lyrics?

I really miss old local songs, when musicians wrote about beautiful love, sweet life, admiration to adorable people, to lovers, and such things, with beautiful words like poems.


But beautiful words like poems don't seem to be the nowadays trend. Musicians now are more into simple words, straight to the point. Well I can't say it's a bad thing too, because people do change, they like things said straight to the point more. Besides, simple words can still be beautiful depends on the content of the lyrics and how the music goes.

So, I surprisingly found two local songs with simple lyrics but still cute, still beautiful, and still teaching good things.




this video above is Yang Kunanti performed by the handsome singer Ello. He , with his beautiful voice, sings (and composed, maybe?) a song about finding a perfect person after getting hurt so many times. The perfect person who completes him and makes him believe in love again. Such a simple beautiful lyrics in beautiful cheerful music. This song teaches positive things to people, especially to broken-hearted ones, not to stop believing in love. Not to stop knowing that there's somebody out there destined to each of us.






the video above is not a video, because the song hasn't been a clip video. it's titled Pertanda Cinta performed by Vierra, a group motored by an amazing sweet pianist Kevin Aprilio. the song itself is about falling in love (with a boy, because the vocalist is a girl) and she wants him to notice her signs of love. She wants him to do this and that because she falls in love with him and wants to be with him, but all she can do is just giving signs. Cute one, and positive too, so cheering and full of youth love. The simple lyrics match the cheerful music, and this teaches something about showing love to the opposites we have crush on.


So, simple lyrics can still be beautiful, equal as the poetic lyrics. But it depends on the content of the lyrics. I hope there would be more and more Indonesian musicians who will compose positive songs like songs I talked about above :)

9/15/11

Please Be Mine

If you found attractive person with good attitude and kind heart, wouldn't you want him or her to be yours?


Well, everyone must have had experience like in this Jonas Brother's track. I didn't even know this track before until it becomes trending topic on Twitter today. Then I listened to the song, and thought this song is worth downloaded.

So, you, attractive person out there, please be mine :)

Please Be Mine - Jonas Brothers 

6/20/11

A B*tch Like Me

If there were a job that I am 100% qualified to fill, it must have been a b*tch.

Why?

Well, it's obvious. I'm so b*tchy, maybe even b*tchier than any b*tches in this world.


First of all, I'm a hater. Yeah, a hater. Hater who is gonna hate. If you might be one of my Twitter followers, you will see my harsh tweet, full of hate.

I hate the government of this country, its bureaucracy, its complicated procedures, its broken system, and its corrupt people. I hate the leaders of this country who are so slow in reacting whenever an issue about public welfare, health, safety, etc. comes up. I hate the president of this country who only thinks about his image, who is so lame, so chicken, and so crybaby. He's a total drag queen. King. Whatever.

I hate music in this country. I hate singers, and those who mention themselves as musicians, who don't have talent and will, but still recording lame songs and sell them in market, and give people no choices, make people must love it because it's the only choice. I hate their lame crybaby music, I hate their broken lyrics that destroy the face of art, because there is no more beauty there.

I hate media in this country. I hate those female magazines because they always push fat women, yet stand on skinny women's side as if fatties don't deserve to live. I hate those religious magazines that spread hate to other religions. I hate newspapers because of their absurd and one-sided news. I hate TV's, the most, for its useless programs that don't give education, for its sh*tty sinetron and reality shows, and of course those damn stupid infotainment.

Second, I don't love and trust anyone. I just make friends with people I like and liking me, and try to act nice to them so that they'll be nice to me. I try to be a good dependable person, but I don't expect anything from anyone. If they like me, they'll stay. If they don't, they may leave.

Third, I am not religious. I have one, but it's just to worship God. Religion, to me, is a way to worship God and a guidebook to treat God's creatures. I don't dress the way my religion asks. I rarely read my holy book because I've finished reading it for about 3-5 times. I do prayers, as early as I could, but I am okay with doing it kinda late. I don't hear people who said 'doing prayers in the last minutes wouldn't be accepted by God' because they are damn not God! I like people who have different religions with mine, and to team up with them is fun. I even sometimes wanna join their feasts just because they look fun, just because I can meet so many people and having fun with them.

Forth, I am cynical. Yeah, I guess I was born this way. My close friend in high school told her best friend before me like this: 'look at how she speaks, then don't wonder if I speak cynically to you'. I don't mind with that. That friend of mine doesn't mind too. Almost everyone never been troubled with that. This is me. How I speak is something attached to me, it's a trademark. That was why when one of my ex said he hated my cynical speak and asked me to change it, I yelled a lot in Twitter after we broke up. Wow, yeah, that's so b*tch of me.

Fifth, I love power. I'm dreaming of an authority. I want to be a leader. I want to own a TV station, I want to lead PSSI, I want to be a president of this country, and being other leaders I might haven't think about yet. Guys are afraid of me because of this, that is why no matter how pretty I am, most men always end up as my friends, not more. They can't seem to handle me. I don't care, I don't need being handled, I can take care of myself. And I think I just haven't met a man who can handle me. Yeah, that outstanding man who was made for a b*tch. LOL.

Sixth, I don't easily smile to people.

Seventh, I am moody, which is getting worse in PMS period.

Eighth, I am rebellious, even to my parents. They wanted me to go to science class (IPA) in high school, I went to social class (IPS). They wanted me to be a doctor or designer, I wanted to be a lawyer. They put me in design school, I went to law school. They want me to apply job as public employee (PNS), I applied in private companies and law firms. But in the end I'm still their b*tchy little girl, so they could only support this stubborn me. Thanks, parents, for understanding this b*tch so well. LOL.

Well, is that all? I have no idea. Maybe some friends of mine can add more, I know they know better than me about this b*tchy me. All I know is I'm officially a b*tch and I'm not ashamed to say it. I rather say I'm a b*tch instead of a saint, because saying that I'm a saint gives a heavy burden and social responsibility that I might not be able to handle. If I claimed myself as a saint, I must do all the good things properly in the straight way, and once I turned aside, I would not forgive myself and people in this world would despise and judge me as if they're the real saints.

So, I don't wanna burden myself, not even other people.

I'm a b*tch, and I'm okay with that.


6/13/11

I Know Everything

I know everything about me. I always do.

I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. Although it has changed and changed, but what I become when I grow up is something I always knew.

I know what I want to do after I get this dream job. I will take bar exam, and do practice, and I'll be crowned as a lawyer. This was changed for a while, but I always knew I never let this go, and eventually I never did let go.

I know what I want to do after I become a registered lawyer, or maybe before it. I want to take master degree in Japan. Yet I don't know whether I'll make it or not, but I know I want it.

I know what I want to do some years after I get my master degree and/or lawyer title. I want to establish a TV station which only will air qualified and educative programs. Yet I don't know whether I'll make it or not, but I know I want it so much.

I know what I want to do after my TV station reaching success. I want to participate in local soccer events and organizations to get experience to be the chairwoman of PSSI. Yet I don't know whether I'll make it or not, but I know I care about local soccer and I want to be PSSI chairwoman so much.

I know what I want to do after finishing my job as PSSI chairwoman. I want to participate in president election. Yet I don't know whether I'll make it or not, but I know I will work hard to be someone who deserves that position, and that I want it so much.

Wait. If the last three of my dreams wouldn't come true, I also have known what to do. I will build my lawyer career, build my own law firm, partnering with awesome lawyers, to help people who are troubled with law. This one I have always known since long ago, and I still want it so much.

I always know. I always know everything about myself. What I love, what I want, what I need. I always know. Pitifully, there is one important thing I never know. Not even after I got so many good and bad experiences about this, I still don't know.

I don't know what kind of man I need. I don't know what kind of man that suits me.

Such a simple thing, a lot simpler than my future plans, but I don't know, and I never ever did know, anything about it.

Do I need a geek? Or more suitable with a playboy? Will I be matched with a quiet person, or a fussy one? Would he be so beautiful but dumb, or so brilliant but ugly? Is he a caring or a cool person? Is he so into music and loves to sing like me, or someone who can even play music instrument, or even don't give a damn about it? Would he be skinny or fat? Taller or shorter than me? Is he a family man or someone who is very independent? Does he love animal, or hate it, or don't really give a damn about it? Is he someone from the same major with me, or from a very different major? Does he care about this country and love to discuss it, or don't give a damn and choose to talk nothing about it? Will he be protective to me or he would set me free? Would he support all my future plans or would stand on my way there? Is he religious or not? Does he hate differences or love it? Is he romantic or humorous or calm?

I don't know. I never knew, and I still don't know.

I seem to have dated and fallen in love with all those kind of men I mentioned above, and none of them are still in a loving relationship with me.

So, what kind of man I need?

I don't know.

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