d u f f

Finally, I am a Master of Intellectual Property Law.

After three years. Yep, three straight years. I've always been wondering why post-graduate students sometimes do not make it just in two years, what could be so hard in writing the thesis, but BAM! It happened to me.

I could not make it in the first semester due to the late assignment of lecturer-in-charge. He was assigned on April while the last presentation would be on June or July. I believed I would not make it just in three months, especially because I have lost all the mood and thrills, also I got a lot to do at workplace.

I almost made it in the second semester, but then a loss happened. A big, sudden loss I never experienced, ever. I mean, this sort of loss happened several times, but they never affected me since as you see, I am not sort of a person easily attached to things, to people. But this one loss affected me. Like...

I don't even want to talk about what kind of loss it is. I never do.

So, I decided to give up on that semester and just tried to recover myself by drawing and drawing so much. I even had my debut at a comic market event, the 12th Comic Frontier or Comifuro 12, since I had a lot of drawings scattered so I thought why didn't I just make them into fan-merchandises and sell them. Turns out that the selling was better than expected. I didn't know there are people in this country beside me who would pay enough attention to Marvel's Venom.

In the third semester, I started to think that I don't want to pay a big amount of money anymore to the campus so I started writing. Actually, maybe, the writing itself does not really take three semesters, I can even make some revisions just in two days, but to find the mood was a hard work, really -_- good thing I finally made it. 

And actually, I heard from a friend that my ex lover is currently studying business law in the same campus with mine. When I heard it, I started calculating when he would graduate and whether we would meet at the graduation ceremony. Since I am bad at math (and everything else), I was terrified and finally found another reason to just finish the thesis and graduate. When everything was done, I tried calculating again and found out that actually we would never meet at the ceremony. My last chance to finish the study is the next semester, means I must be graduating by January 2020 or I would got dropped out. Meanwhile, he is a student of class 2018 and the earliest graduation for him is still in July 2020. Not to mention I still do not want to pay more money to the campus, that I'd rather use that amount to go traveling.

Besides, so what if we met? He didn't even pay for my ceremony :p

Still, I do not want to see him. Not anywhere, not especially in the ceremony. The only place where I want to see him is on my screens.

As one of my children, Daffi R. Zainal.

Well then, until the ceremony.

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The Awkward Trial: Start of Love

Hey there!

I come back with this one stuff. A new poem. Lately condition in my office is fun to me, so that I'm kind of opened to listen to my friends' stories, and I found them interesting. Here it is.

My office allows its employees to date or even marry each others. How cool is that?

So I heard stories regarding some couples there. The most inspiring one was from my teammate's, who was just married about one month ago. When he first dated his wife, such idea just popped up in his mind, accidentally, even in that day he was still dating 2 other girls. But then they just went dating, and at night when he was calling his girlfriends, he suddenly thought about that girl who is now his wife. Just that simple, how love can start. In an unpredictable way.

I'm just amazed of how it started only by a dinner-for-two moment, once.

And then I'm also inspired by Endy's Green Light. I don't know why I'm becoming a huge fan of songs that he composes and sings, but this Green Light one is just lyrically unique. I have always wanted to write a poem which words are like in Green Light lyrics, then I'm eventually inspired by my workdays. How?

There's a civil case handled by my office. I and team drafted the documents and edited them over and over. Since our client is foreign company, I am given task to translate all those documents (and now I become sworn translator in team a.k.a penerjemah disumpahin). Now that I keep reading and translating, some words creep into my mind and I can't forget them. So I made a decision. If Green Light is regarding riding cars in the street, waiting for green light to move forward, I make this one new poem as a trial process, waiting for the verdict to be executed.

Here it is. Do you love it or hate it? Because I love it so much!

It all started from a dinner
Dispute in myself grows harder
While I swear we'll never get closer
Every settlement can't separate us further

You come to my senses
I'm damaged, need your compensations

My mind now sues my heart
Charging that I breach my own contract
Your sweet favor made this lawsuit looks hard
There'll be no objections in front of the judge

The little things you notice in me
Breaks term and condition prevailed previously
Who cares of what you are or what you'll be
While in your eyes it's only me you see?

Don't put me in obscurity
You won't want me to seize you for security

The evidences show you're never a good option
But even my brain can't deal this in mediation
Solving this case, I need to write conclusion
And let's expect the verdict becomes affection

I have a lot of fun beside you
Don't revoke, so I stay longer with you

This poem's title has been changed 2 times, until I decided it as 'The Awkward Trial'. When I was done writing, I read again and felt like I didn't really put the 'love' in it. But then I realize, this poem is inspired by a 'start of love', not yet love. So I think, in this poem, the subject is still arguing with his/her heart and mind to decide whether he/she will fall in love or not. He/she is waiting for a final verdict. While waiting, he/she is enjoying each day of the trial.

And I seriously love, I repeat, I love this poem.

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When You Believe

What is your formula for success?

 

Working hard, never giving up, always believe that things will end up happily at the right moment. 

That was my answer when Formspring asked me. To tell you what really happens, I guess I need to explain the whole story.

I decided to quit my job several weeks ago. I already felt like I didn't find myself there anymore, I wasn't even motivated to come to the office everyday. My life was perfect, except my work life. I always dream to be a lawyer, but what I did in my previous job was like...wrong. So I did expect a resignation, and there I did.

But it never meant that I want to be jobless. As I ever wrote in one of my posts, I am embarassed of being jobless, not productive. I don't know everyone else, but to me my job is my pride. Even though I might not do it right, at least to have a job can keep my head up. Even though I still live with my parents and they still feed me, and I am not the one who's responsible of family financial, still I don't want to remain jobless. I want to be useful. I need to work.

So, right after my resignation I applied to a lot of vacancies. Yes, a lot of. It's supposed to be more than 100 offices. And since I applied like I would die tomorrow, I always had job calls everyday, either it's a law test, psychotest, or an interview. Two days after my resignation, I was accepted as a legal officer in a property company. Too bad, to get to the office costs enough high and they didn't give me higher salary than in my previous office. So I rejected it.

In a blazzing saturday, I had a test in a law firm. I passed the test, my name was the first appointed, then I had an interview. That was fun, really, the people impressed me. Too bad, I was over qualified for the job. I was accepted, but as a paralegal, and they paid me, again, lower than my salary in my previous office. I said yes at first, but then I changed my mind, because I realize fresh graduates deserve it more than me. 

You must be wondering why I concern so much about salary. Well, here is my explanation. I have monthly saving. Each month I have exact nominal to save in my bank account. Then I must pay reimbursement for transportation allowance to my mother, and I must pay my health insurance. If I were to be paid under 3 million IDR, all my salary would be spend only for saving, transportation allowance, and health insurance. I will not be able to have it for myself and for people I care about in their birthdays.

Then, in a cloudy Thursday I had a psychotest and law test in a law firm. Seriously the psychotest made me psycho, it was totally difficult and I believed I wouldn't pass. I kind of fell in love with the office location, but that test kept me down. Unexpectedly, they called me for an interview yesterday. The interview was in 98% English and one of the interviewer seems to be a Japanese. I tried being cheerful and smile during that depressing interview, especially when the managing partner talked about my D scores in transcript. I kind of adore how they manage their office, but still, that interview was depressing and I thought I wouldn't pass. Until I got a phone call when I was interviewed in a lawfirm this morning. Turn out, that phone call was from this office with its depressing tests and interview.

 

I was told that I was accepted and the HR wanted to talk about the nominal for my salary. It was supposed to be tomorrow morning but I asked to do it today, while I haven't been home. So, that was all. They pay me a little lower than my previous salary, but it fills my standard. We all agred about everything, and I will start to work next Monday.

 

I got a new job in not even a month after my resignation in an unexpected office.

 

It's kind of faster that I expected. Indeed, it's really fast because I should have been working again only within 2 days after my resignation. I think this feedback is what I deserve from applying like crazy to a lot of offices. Miracle does happen. It happens because I believe and I work for it.

 

Let's start my new life then! A happy ending is a brand new beginning!

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I Know Everything

I know everything about me. I always do.

I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. Although it has changed and changed, but what I become when I grow up is something I always knew.

I know what I want to do after I get this dream job. I will take bar exam, and do practice, and I'll be crowned as a lawyer. This was changed for a while, but I always knew I never let this go, and eventually I never did let go.

I know what I want to do after I become a registered lawyer, or maybe before it. I want to take master degree in Japan. Yet I don't know whether I'll make it or not, but I know I want it.

I know what I want to do some years after I get my master degree and/or lawyer title. I want to establish a TV station which only will air qualified and educative programs. Yet I don't know whether I'll make it or not, but I know I want it so much.

I know what I want to do after my TV station reaching success. I want to participate in local soccer events and organizations to get experience to be the chairwoman of PSSI. Yet I don't know whether I'll make it or not, but I know I care about local soccer and I want to be PSSI chairwoman so much.

I know what I want to do after finishing my job as PSSI chairwoman. I want to participate in president election. Yet I don't know whether I'll make it or not, but I know I will work hard to be someone who deserves that position, and that I want it so much.

Wait. If the last three of my dreams wouldn't come true, I also have known what to do. I will build my lawyer career, build my own law firm, partnering with awesome lawyers, to help people who are troubled with law. This one I have always known since long ago, and I still want it so much.

I always know. I always know everything about myself. What I love, what I want, what I need. I always know. Pitifully, there is one important thing I never know. Not even after I got so many good and bad experiences about this, I still don't know.

I don't know what kind of man I need. I don't know what kind of man that suits me.

Such a simple thing, a lot simpler than my future plans, but I don't know, and I never ever did know, anything about it.

Do I need a geek? Or more suitable with a playboy? Will I be matched with a quiet person, or a fussy one? Would he be so beautiful but dumb, or so brilliant but ugly? Is he a caring or a cool person? Is he so into music and loves to sing like me, or someone who can even play music instrument, or even don't give a damn about it? Would he be skinny or fat? Taller or shorter than me? Is he a family man or someone who is very independent? Does he love animal, or hate it, or don't really give a damn about it? Is he someone from the same major with me, or from a very different major? Does he care about this country and love to discuss it, or don't give a damn and choose to talk nothing about it? Will he be protective to me or he would set me free? Would he support all my future plans or would stand on my way there? Is he religious or not? Does he hate differences or love it? Is he romantic or humorous or calm?

I don't know. I never knew, and I still don't know.

I seem to have dated and fallen in love with all those kind of men I mentioned above, and none of them are still in a loving relationship with me.

So, what kind of man I need?

I don't know.

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