8/24/12

Parameter Maaf

Tidak ada yang tidak baik dari memberi dan meminta maaf.

Memang tidak. Memberi maaf itu mulia, meminta maaf itu ksatria. Alangkah baiknya bila setiap manusia saling berbuat salah kemudian saling meminta maaf kepada satu sama lainnya. Saya juga berpendapat sama, tidak kurang dan tidak lebih.

Tapi sebagaimana setiap manusia itu berbeda dan unik, setiap permasalahan pun demikian. Saya berpendapat tidak ada yang salah dengan memberi dan meminta maaf. Namun di sisi lain saya juga berpendapat bahwa hanya keledai yang bisa dua kali jatuh ke lubang yang sama.

Sampai di mana maaf perlu diminta dan diberi?


Setiap orang memiliki parameter berbeda. Pun saya sebagai salah satu manusia yang tidak sempurna. Bagi saya memberi maaf itu mudah, tapi jangan pernah berharap saya meLUPAkan apa yang telah saya terima.

Sebutlah saya pernah melakukan sebuah kesalahan, yang sebetulnya menurut logika saya pun saya tidak mengerti di mana salahnya. Pokoknya SALAH, karena kenyataannya seseorang tersinggung dengan perbuatan saya. Kemudian saya berusaha meminta maaf dan memperbaiki keadaan, namun ternyata yang bersangkutan menolak memperbaiki, hanya bersedia memaafkan. Saya tidak keberatan dan tidak bisa memaksa, memang siapa saya? Sampai di sana, seharusnya masalah selesai.

Tapi kemudian apa perlu saya kembali meminta atau memberi maaf, atau berusaha memperbaiki keadaan ketika dimana seharusnya masalah sudah selesai, yang bersangkutan malah mengungkit-ungkitnya dengan menghina-dina saya, bahkan mengajak orang-orang yang tidak ada sangkut-pautnya dengan masalah untuk membenci saya? 

Keputusan saya bulat: tidak perlu. Saya tidak tolol, bodoh, apalagi idiot. Hanya keledai yang dua kali jatuh ke lubang yang sama.

Mungkin saya egois dan arogan, tapi akal sehat dan hati nurani saya sudah memutuskan hal yang sama. Entah mau berapa kali Idul Fitri berlalu. Baiklah, saya MEMANG egois dan arogan. 

Lalu?

Manusia adalah makhluk dengan segala keterbatasan. Termasuk saya. 

Meminta dan memberi maaf adalah dua tindakan yang tidak ada salahnya, dan betapa mulia dan ksatrianya saya bila menyanggupi keduanya. Tapi seperti manusia lainnya, saya juga punya parameter.  Dan orang dalam cerita di atas saya kategorikan TIDAK LAYAK untuk saya beri maupun mintakan maaf.

Saya manusia, bukan keledai.

8/22/12

Untukmu yang Tak Maju Lebih Dulu

21 Agustus 2012

Kepada Mentari yang Terbit Terakhir
di
Labirin


Bila boleh kuingatkan kembali setiap puing yang tertinggal sejak setahun lalu, pun aku tidak mampu menghitungnya. Terlalu banyak yang terjadi. Bukan dalam kata yang kau ucap kepadaku atau apa yang kusampaikan dalam lisan kepadamu.

Sebagaimana namamu, kau terbit di langitku. Tak kalah dari bintang manapun, termasuk yang bersinar lebih terang darimu. Kau selalu ada, bercahaya, karena aku selalu memenangkanmu meski kamu mentari yang tak biasa. Mentari yang dingin menyerupai gunung es. 

Tapi duniaku selalu melihatmu.

Aku percaya dinginmu akan mencair. Esmu akan meleleh bila aku tak pernah menyerah. Kucoba mencipta apa yang bisa kurangkai dalam kata, bahkan entah bagaimana kubuat pula dalam nada. Semuanya untukmu, semuanya ada karena adamu. 

Ya, aku pernah mencintaimu seperti itu.

Kupintai helaian hari dengan menantimu menginginkanku. Menunggumu mengucap rasa yang sama, memintaku mendampingimu selamanya. Seraya melihatmu berubah dari bongkahan es menjadi cahaya, aku pernah yakin hanya akulah yang gerakkan apa yang kau sebut dunia. Aku menantimu selamanya, dan bahwa kau genggam rasa yang sama aku percaya.

Namun selamanya mulai kurasa terlalu lama. Menunggumu seumur hidup mulai terasa tidak nyata. Aku takkan mau, takkan bisa habiskan waktuku menanti cintamu yang maya. Sementara kulihat cahaya kecil di balik jendela rumah di ujung sana. Sebagaimana aku ingin menantimu, tak kuasa aku menahan kakiku untuk tak melangkah. Aku ingin pulang. Ya, aku lelah mengembara. Bila yang kucari ada di depan mata, haruskah kuabaikan itu demi menantimu? 

Meski mungkin hanya aku yang mampu selamatkan duniamu?

Maaf. 'Tidak' adalah jawabku.

Kucoba sampaikan kepadamu rasaku, namun terhalang oleh waktu. Kucoba meminta lagi waktu kepadamu, namun katamu tak perlu. Maka kuputuskan untuk tidak lagi menantimu. Kubiarkan kau berlalu, tak lagi sinari langitku. Sementara tertatih kucoba susuri jalan pulang, kembali ke mana seharusnya aku berada. Ke tempat dimana tak hanya ada satu rasa, namun dua. 

Kulihat engkau kembali ke dalam labirinmu. Kembali pada dinginmu, kehilangan cahayamu. Kau tertawa, namun bukan yang sesungguhnya. Bila kutanya apakah kau bahagia, dapatkah kau menyambut tanyaku dengan jawabmu?

Bukan aku menghakimimu, karena aku pun tak sempurna. Namun bila kau temukan lagi apa yang kau rasa terhadapku, yang tumbuh dari apa yang kutanamkan dalam duniamu, kumohon jangan lagi kau endapkan tanpa pinta. Tiada satu pun di dunia yang dapat kau miliki tanpa kau ungkap inginmu lewat kata. 

Bila mungkin, ungkaplah pula lewat suara. 

Jangan lagi kau biarkan ia lewat di depan mata tanpa pernah kau meraihnya. Jangan serahkan ia kepada siapapun, berjuanglah untuknya. 

Berjuanglah untuk dirimu.

Terima kasih untuk satu tahun bersama. Tidak milikimu tak menjadi sesal bagiku, begitu banyak yang berharga telah kudapat meski bukan cintamu. Terima kasih telah ajariku mencinta cacat di balik sempurna. Terima kasih untuk nada yang kau lepaskan untuk menjawab pergiku. Terima kasih untuk waktu yang tak pernah kau berikan lagi kepadaku, yang telah mengantarku pulang ke rumah.


Salam,
Aku


p.s: cinta tak dapat menunggumu selamanya, cobalah kau melangkah untuk menggapainya.



7/21/12

Smitten Kitten

I'm turning the pages
Just wanna be in love forever and ever
You and me always together 
And I know I don't wanna cry no more
I can't, no more
Feels just like I'm falling in love

That verse of Falling in Love from Ironik ft. Jessica Lowndes was written on my Path status, then my boyfriend laughed to that. I remember it was after a night when he confessed to me through WhatsApp. That night I was hanging out with my coworkers, whom are now his ex-coworkers, I laughed with them while my focus was frequently distracted with his messages. LOL.

Yes, I am currently in love.

Not falling in love, since it's too mainstream. I'm crawling, drowning, melting, and dying in love.

It has not been too long yet, only a month and some days. I  even just met him around 4 months ago. We are getting closer since around 3 months ago. We haven't had too much time yet, but I am dying in love with this guy. He is not totally my type (wearing eyeglasses-skinny-geeky-tall), not even a good looking one. He ain't a scientist, a lawyer instead. I never wanted to date or even marry a lawyer, but this time the story is different.

An ex-coworker asked me 'why him? He's not a handsome or such one' and I answered 'it's not only the eyes that see, isn't it?'

I don't give a sh*t about anything, the only things that I care about are that we love each other and we belong together. I am not perfect, so is he, but we are perfect together. 

I feel smitten kitten.


While having this beautiful, cute, sweet feeling, I was suddenly inspired to write a poem titled with a 'hey', then I came up with this 'Hey Love!'. I don't know why I had such idea, but maybe I just watched New Girl on tv, and inspired with its theme song titled 'Hey Girl!' which is written and performed by beautiful Ms. Zooey Deschanel.

Do you love it or hate it? Because I turn out to love it so much. I love the words, and the title itself. I had twice set it as my status in BlackBerry Messenger.

Let's go looking back some moments before
I lost myself, then found that place therefore
I saw you and knew your name afterwards
Realized you were a reason I move forward

But all we did was quarelling before everyone
Denying how we were so desired to be one

Hey love, have you found what you look for?
I have a faith that you're what I'm looking for
Your infinite cuteness in all those acts and words
Weaken me on my knees, leave me out of words

Hey love, stay with me today and forever
Don't leave, don't even try to find another
I crave every single piece that you ever have
Hey love, you cast my fear and turn me brave

Now here is us, cross-admired, paralyzed
In the warmth of heart, we are synchronized

Oh God why, you make me crawling in love
My body and soul fall to the ground
Give me all your compensation, hey love
Just Say you love me in unlimited amount

Touch my hand and hold all of mine with yours
Hey love, without any doubt I'm wholly yours

7/15/12

My Way Home

I wrote a new poem. Actually I already wrote it on my notebook in the middle of a meeting, since I was sleepy and I've always wanted to write this poem. But then I forgot to rewrite it on my phone, so that I decided to write a new one on my way home from office, in taxi.

When I thought I should rewrite this poem on phone, I already knew that I would make a lot of revisions since I was not satisfied with the content. But then instead of it, I wrote a new one with the sort of same theme, and it turned out to be a much better one and I seem to fall for it. I did not remember exactly what I wrote in notebook, which made me worried, but now I think I'm glad that I forgot.

By the way, I'm sleepy. Why's ripping a CD taking so much time? ( ._.)/|sleepy|


And then I came up with this poem. I first planned to title it 'Home', but according to the last content, 'A Way Home' suits best. I don't think I need to explain what this poem is about, since it's alrady obvious. Also whom has inspired me, it's also obvious.

Well, love it or hate it?

I love it a lot, thank God. Finally I can make a new poem that I can love beside The Awkward Trial. I love the words I chose, also the plot of the story.

The closed doors are everywhere to knock
I walked as fast as the ticking of the clock
Brought up my key to open the lock
Gave no damn to people who mocked

I tried, prayed, failed, got up again
Struggled to shine my light under the rain
While the wounds only worsen my pain
And the blood slowly ran out from my vein

Until I saw your little light in disguise
Led me to a hope that I might rise

Hurt and doubtful, I dared myself to step
Hopelessly worked to shorten the gap
To you I consciously ran without map
My purpose was only your heart to wrap

Your door was surprisingly unlocked
While no one but me you let entered
The welcome was cold, I was trembled
But there I understood what you needed

I know anywhere else but I don't want those
Your conformity has brought me overdose
Just through a softness within your voice
You turned me calm out of all my noise

I finally find my way home
A place where I'm always allowed to come

This is the end of my long painful journey
I belong here from now on, yours truly
Holding your hand, facing the world I'm ready
Twenty four/seven is what you'll have with me

Your Ľovε is the only thing I recognize
My all is delivered to you without compromise

7/5/12

A Sense of Completion

I've got somewhere I belong
I've got somebody to love
This is what dreams are made of

That verse of Hillary Duff's What Dreams Are Made Of is supposed to be perfect to be my birthday theme song. Because it happens to me.

I was just celebrating my 16th 26th birthday. At this age, I nearly have everything a girl could dream of, if I couldn't say 'I do have'. 

I have an amazing supportive family. I have real friends I can hold on to. I have a job I've always dreamed to work. I have adorable bright coworkers. I have been some steps ahead of becoming a lawyer, with a little precious help from a lover that I love who loves me properly. 

I don't need any birthday presents. I already have my life as one. Doesn't mean I will reject the given ones, though. LOL.

I blew candles for 4 times since I got 4 cakes. 


Oh and since I'm so very happy, I finally wrote a new poem. Honestly, this is the final part of the trilogy started with The Awkward Trial, then Focus, and it ends with this Imprisoned in Completion. Yes, I have written 2 poems about my journey to wrap him, my current boyfriend, but I did not admit it since I was not sure about the end. LOL. 

Well, I don't really like this one, though. My most favorite is still The Awkward Trial. But please check it out, and say whether you love or hate it.

I watched you there hanging around
Looking at me like I'm a victim you found
Made my heart beat in uncountable amount
I knew you worth more than to be a rebound

You are undoubtedly sentenced for a crime
For stealing all my love when I resisted
You will be jailed for an unlimited time
Imprisoned from now forever in my heart

At the night that I investigated you
You just simply told me 'I love you'
No witnesses to prove that it was true
I was left with no choice but saying 'Me too'

The file of my life is finally completed
It is ready to be sumbitted to the court
Your status is not anymore a suspect
A prisoner instead, trapped in my world

Side by side we walk to completion
This mutual feeling would be wholly accepted
We might not be something like perfection
But who cares since our souls are bonded

It is now proved that you're all I need
Verdict issued, I'm what you waited
For being in love, we both are punished
As the pleasure we know won't be vanished