Portfolio: When I Fell in Love

what's the craziest thing you did when you fell in love? or the sweetest? or the most creative? when someone was in love, she/he could just suddenly do unusual things. even things he/she never did before. or he/she improves things he/she could do. just in short, it happened to me.

so what did I do when I fell in love?

yep, doodling. in MS Paint.

before the last time I fell in love, I doodled. I have always loved doodling since I was kid. but I only doodled by pencil, and colored with markers or color pencils. I doodled some big pictures like pas-photo in MS Paint to be used as my avatars everywhere, but I could only drew the big ones. I thought it would be hard to doodle small detail pictures with MS Paint.

but then I fell in love. I also looked at some adorable doodles in Tumblr. and because I got my heart broken because I had unrequited love, I needed to do something to express my feeling. I found that doodling would be awesome, so I tried and I made it! not adorable doodles, of course, compared to those I seen in Tumblr, but at least I tried and was satisfied. I don't even know whether it was just me, but I think when I doodled about me and him, the guy whom I fell in love with, I doodled best.

So, let this post become one of my portfolios. LOL. here are the doodles.

that one was doodle I ever posted here. Today was A Fairytale from Taylor Swift's song.

that one was still from Today was A Fairytale. my crazy mind told me to make the sequel of the first doodle, and here it was. LOL.

it was when I knew he liked another girl, and not me. I used this as profile picture on my Facebook page just in case he saw it and realized. crazy, crazy mind.

now that I was upset about him dating another girl, I imagined we were married. um actually I didn't mean to doodle me with him, but the idea just came up, so...

I was upset to find him staying in my friendlist on Facebook. I mean it was okay if he didn't appear like that, but since I loved stalking him, that was what I got. anyway I've unfriended him now, so I'm not upset anymore. ah okay...since it was obvious in my doodle, now that you know which man I've been talking about :D

oh here it is. people said our faces resemble each others. and I came to think that we really were (we really are, I still think so). then I dyed my hair brown, chestnut, to change image and to be different than him. I even let my bangs grow so that I won't have bangs like him. still, it didn't work because the similar thing on us is face, not hair -_-

this one, too, I just wanna doodled a princess and a prince, but my crazy mind told me to doodle him and him again.

I love On The Line by N'SYNC, Mandy Moore, and BBMak. I just love that song, and it's still in my playlist until now. So I decided to quote the lyrics and doodled, and yes, crazy mind again, him again.

now this one was based on true story LOL he really told me that 'you're so lawyer' and 'you're smart and beautiful.' and this was the first time I doodled myself wearing lawyer cape :D

because I know our faces resemble each others, and at that time my heart was too broken to doodle him, I converted us to be opposite twin. it was actually also based on my novel character, a boy and a girl twin, then I try imagining me and him as those characters. it worked, the twin doodles are...well, I like them :)

this one is also from Taylor Swift's Sparks Fly. I just love that song, and I loved the way he smiles. I downloaded the frame from somewhere I found in Google.

this is a doodle challenge from my sister. she wondered whether I can draw 'someone who is doodling', then I took it as a good idea to try. and then crazy mind again, him again...

this really was what happened when I first saw him. I was broken-hearted, through a week since I broke up with my last boyfriend, then I saw him in the crowd. I was in a halal-bihalal in Ministry of SME's & Co with my colleagues in previous office, and he was with his friends too, from ministry.

this one is my most favorite! this also inspired me to doodle strip-comics. based on true story too, so he told me that he was auditing in my office building. I doodled while hoping I wouldn't see him in elevator because I'd be lazy to act nice to him.

So, are you falling in love? or getting your heart broken?

Then, do anything with all your abilities, talents, or efforts, to express it because you worth it!

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Review: The World Sinks Except Japan

It's a movie title. Sounds very offensive, I understand LOL, but seriously, I guess it takes a kinda high sense of humor to take this movie easy. This movie is not as offensive as the title, but I might be saying this because I'm not a Japanese nor American (nor other countries said in this movie).

This movie is really absurd. If it wasn't because Kenji Kohashi is the leading role, I wouldn't watch it haha, but still, however, it's not a bad movie. The scenes were taken seriously, even the lines and dialogs are acceptable. I really love when Koga's wife read a fable picture book which story was similar to the happening disaster.

So, here's the story. Some years after 11/9 happened, the world sinks. yeah, seriously, sinks except Japan. it started from America, then Asia, Europe, then Australia. So, all the countries' leaders stayed in Japan, so are their citizens. What happened then was: because Japan was the one and only surviving country, Yen raised so high, even above Dollar. Then because of American, Western, are all around Japan, they can't get jobs easily in Japan. No TV's hired them as actors, even when the women work as prostitutes they cost very low...LOLOLOL I told you before, without high sense of humor, you might think this movie is very offensive.

Back to the story, because the American/Western can't get job nor use Dollar, they became homeless and jobless. They did everything just to eat, including stealing from stores and forbidden fishing poles, even they beg from Japanese. Those American/Western became poor people and were in the lowest social level, on the contrary Japanese were in the highest.

And how was the story end? Well, I can't tell spoilers here. But there was a scene where leaders from the whole world gathered around with some people in a night club, then there was an earthquake that caused panic and the lights went off, but then they found a little light from a candle. They gathered around together, thinking about world peace after they were told that Japan would also sink.

There, I stop! LOL. If you dislike comedy, parody, or you're a Japanese or American, I don't recomment this movie to you. Oh before I forgot, the actors in this movie were Japanese and American, so I think this story isn't that offensive for American. but I might be wrong, because the American actors can speak Japanese fluently there, so I don't know whether they were still nationalist or not haha :D

Oh well, since this movie begun until it ended, I have no idea what the name of Kenji's role was. I guess it wasn't told, but I might slip.

And here is the movie:

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Standard of Intelligence

Why should everything measured with required GPA?

Fuck.

So, here. I have explained before that I'm craving for scholarship to take master program in Japan. Then I heard that one of my friend in college has successfully got it, now he's there to study. While another friend of mine told me there's such an announcement from embassy about scholarship vacancy. So I opened the link and saw in the first requirement that applicant must gained 3.00 for minimum GPA.

Shit. Ass. Hole.

When I was hopeless, I still hope that my friend who got the scholarship didn't get it from embassy, but when I checked his Facebook, I saw he liked that 'linked-to-embassy' page. So? Yes, he got it from embassy. And of the hell course, his GPA must be more than 3.00.

WHY? WHY~?

Why should everything is measured from GPA? Not only scholarship, but also in job vacancy. The difference is I'm still dare to apply to offices that require high GPA because it didn't cost anything, only CV, certificate and transcript. But scholarship? MEH, it took TRANSLATED certificate (which means I must request it to the university and I don't have time because I'm a newbie employee), and even salary report! Furthermore, it also requires TOEFL score, recommendation letter from campus and office, etc. When I get them all, then I apply, then I FAIL, it HURTS!!!

Here. Why does GPA become something to measure someone's intelligence? I mean, yes, of course students who got high GPA are smart, no doubt. But is it the only thing to measure? Students who got lower GPA don't mean not smart. I found a lot of them are smart, even they're sometimes better than the high-GPA-students. They're not less creative and hardworking. Even they're able to put themselves in the same places with the high-GPA ones.

Come on. Don't measure somebody's something only by high score, high GPA, or whatever. Please take a closer look to each person. Make an entrance test for everyone, that's the fairest thing I can think about. Everyone deserves the same first chance. Why? Because people who are required are not always interested to reach big things. And when people who aren't required are interested, they can't do anything because they're not required.

Just please. Give everyone the same chance.

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Spreading Religion?

Lately I read news about a lost public employee. She left her family and her baby. Nobody knew where she was, because she didn't leave any footprints. Then the media spread news that she was found amnesia.

When she got back home, she was wearing veil that she never worn before. She forgot everything about her family, even her little baby that she still feeds. She told everyone that she wants to do jihad. That's the only thing she remembers.

Then it was found that she got brainwashed by a group of 'religious' people. Maybe she was indoctrinated until she got amnesia. Maybe she was told to forget everything she ever had and do 'jihad' instead. Before I forgot, jihad is defined as a war, a battle, a fight that a Muslim do against his/her enemy. But I guess it's a general definition.

I don't want to spread hate. Not even to religion, nor to God. But I can't help blaming those people. Those 'religious' people who are the actors who brainwashed that poor woman until she forgot about everything she has. I just don't understand what in their minds are. Don't they know that kidnapping is a crime? Although she doesn't get physical wounds? Don't they see that she has a family worrying about where she goes without leaving any messages? Don't they understand that she works as a public employee, that the office will be in trouble if one of the employees is missing and leaving no footprints? And, the most important thing that I diss most, don't they think about her little baby that still needs her care?

Seriously. Why should that kind of thing happened?

Frankly, I have been in that poor woman's shoes. Yes. You may feel surprised or shocked to know it from me.

So I have a friend in middle school, who was also studying in the same university with me, but in different faculty (let's call her Darn). Someday Darn went to my house to do interview for her assignment. She came to my house with a male friend, who wasn't her boyfriend (let's call him Silly). Silly was so nice and talkative, I also enjoyed talking to him. And suddenly our conversation came to a serious topic about 'how to save the world' or such shit, I forgot. I foolishly, for fun, said it was interesting. Then he, and Darn, asked me to come out with them and learn about it from their friend, who understood about Holy Qur'an.

Then, some days afterwards, Silly contacted me. He pushed me to come with him and Darn to their friend's house. I resisted at first because I was totally lazy (yeah sorry that I'm not a religious person). But since he insisted too much, and I still had spare time, I went with him.

We went to a house. There was a man there, maybe around 2 years older than me, waiting for us (let's call him Crap). Crap gave us Holy Qur'an for each, and we started reading some articles. yep, some articles in the middle of that holy book, not from the first. But what we discussed there wasn't weird. I honestly forgot what we talked about there LOL but in short we all must fuckin' save the world blah blah blah based on the some articles in the middle of Holy Qur'an.

I didn't feel weird, really. Until a day Silly contacted me again and asked me to visit Crap's house in a weekend, of course Darn would come too. I said yes, since I had no agenda. But what happened in that day? I got fever. I can't even get off my bed for my head was too heavy. I have told Mom that I'd go with friends to Crap's house, but I knew she'd yell at me if she knew I went there with a fever. So I cancelled the schedule, but what did Silly tell me? He insisted that I must come out. That I just need to take one or two pills then the fever would go. That I don't need bed rest because the 'saving the world lecturing' was some kinda more important (than my health).

I was mad and pissed. You know, I got fever and somebody talked like that to me? Kiss my ass! I told Silly that I won't leave the house, that I must rest. Then he gave up. Some days afterwards, he and Darn contacted me again to join that effin' lecturing, but I resisted. I have found out enough that everything was wrong when I got my fever. I don't have to hear any much more from Crap about saving shit world, and I knew everything would just be worse, that I'd be brainwashed for sure.

Now what kind of religion which God teaches the people to abandon other people's health?

What kind of religion which God teaches the people to forget about the family?

What kind of religion which God teaches the people to kidnap someone to be one of its race?

Blame the people. Blame the selfish people who feel superior so that they may do anything against others. Blame the selfish people who think their God hates people who worship God in different ways.

Oh and back to the first topic, I talked a little about general definition of jihad. Even so, I don't think it's the general definition. The real definition of jihad is a struggle. A struggle that human do for everyone's good. For the world's good. And it's done in the name of God, because he/she believes that everything belongs to God so that human must do the best to protect everything. I think working hard for the country or studying hard to build the world are also jihad. Because they're all done for good, and only for good. That's what I call common sense.

Everyone may worship God in each own way. But to force others to do the same way is not right, especially in illegal, even violent ways.

I don't read Holy Qur'an frequently, so I might make some mistakes in this post. Well, nobody's perfect, since the perfection belongs only to God.

Now I sound very religious. LOL

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Growing-Up

What is the sign of growing up?

Thinking about marriage?

Having settled about a job?

Saving money?

I really have no idea, and lately I feel like not growing up. Not characteristically, of course, because I'm not anymore a little girl. But I'm more about mind-making.

So, after being freakin' crushophobic, I was trapped into stupid uncertain love games with wrong men again. I dated a wrong man, fell in love with wrong man and even thought he was my knight, and so on. So much foolish things about love (read as: shit) happened and today I'm not that so into love. I don't even feel anything when looking at a man. If he was handsome, I just thought 'oh man, he's handsome' and that's all. My heart didn't skip a beat. I am even lazy falling in love. And when I see my-type man (skinny, wearing glasses, blah blah) I just feel like numb. I don't even know whether it's still my type. I just feel like I ever knew something about such kind of man, but I can't remember what.

I'm not afraid of love. Not anymore a crushohphobic. I'm just numb naturally.

Don't get me wrong, I don't turn gay.

But really, without uncertain love stuff, my eyes are opened wider than before. I can see things clearly. I can find my old dreams that I haven't made true. I mean, I haven't become a lawyer still, but at least I'm now on my way there.

So, I have always wanted to take master program in Japan, of course by scholarship. Why there? Oh you simply don't have to ask, because I've been in love for so long with that country and its culture. I know some people will prefer Holland or U.S for studying law, but you know, I'm sometimes unlike any others. I don't really like going to places where most people go. Besides, an ex-dean of my campus took his master of law in Japan, so why can't I?


I know it will be so hard. I can't even understand how to write that damn Kanji, Katakana, nor Hiragana. I know some vocabularies and a few grammars, but I'm really shit into such language. I know it's effin' hard. I haven't taken the course, worse. And if I studied there, I'd have literature maybe in Kanji. Damnshit, I can't even write it, that's more complicated than Arabic fonts!

But say, I won't give in. I'll take the shit course. Yeah I'll pay for it. Oh and, my parents might disagree because I'll be trapped in earthquakes there, but I'll convince them that Japan is not Indonesia at all. That nuclear shit will be okay soon, I believe, and while they work on it I'll study the fonts.

If I didn't get the scholarship, I wouldn't study in other countries. I'll take master program in University of Indonesia, the campus where I took my bachelor of law. So, I'm just between 'is it Japan or Indonesia?', that's it.

Next, I'm craving for iPhone. That I'm told about iPhone 4 lacks of anything, I prefer waiting for iPhone 5 now.


when everyone seems to be Blackberry user, I prefer not to be one. Told ya, sometimes I'm unlike any others. Besides, I've been in love with Apple since I got my iPod Touch from mother for early birthday present. I know it's very associated to iTunes and not compatible with any computers, but who cares? It's freakin' awesome! iPod Touch only lacks phone and messaging features, and the internet can only be accessed by wi-fi. That is why I wanna use it ALL THE TIME. and the only way to make it true is by buying an iPhone.

since I just read that the release of iPhone 5 is postponed until around the end of this year, I think I can take a breathe now. I don't have to push myself saving too much again. I can afford for Japanese course first. Phew.

Now, back to the main topic, I'll be 25 in June. But what am I doing now?

I don't think about getting married. I don't even date anyone, worse, I don't even fall in love (unless with Kenji Kohashi LOL). And when I think about marriage, I feel like lazy. I think if I got married then I couldn't take my master. Besides, I might not be required as a wife yet. I can't cook, I can't wake up early morning, I'm even childish.

But I have a settled job. I save money. I know where I am going now. Am I not growing up yet?

I know everyone seems to get married and giving birth everywhere. Sometimes I envy them, but it was just in a second. In next second I'll be back thinking of iPhone and scholarship. I feel like going back to a teenager who still plans to study and have gadgets. I don't feel like getting married, although I dreamed to have a wedding on 11-11-11.

Am I not growing up yet?

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