Crossroad

When I was still jobless, I was standing on a crossroad. I was confused until I was sick. My body couldn't seem to help my confusion. I didn't know where to go, which road to cross. I have no idea of which one was best for me.

In the 2nd week since my resignation, I was accepted in a law firm. I had a strong feeling since the first moments that I would be accepted, because I passed the written test and my name was number one on the list (while I wasn't sure because I answered the questions without any preparations, without studying, just a dictionary with me). In the interview session, the partner and associates were like so attracted to me. I actually was attracted too, but when they said I was over qualified and they can't pay my expected salary, I thought twice.

It came true. I got a phone call, saying I was accepted and I must come to the office by 2 days after the phone call day. I said yes. But then I was thinking again, about the 'over-qualified' and the salary. While I actually had another test in another law firm and I was called for an interview. I was more attracted to the 'other' law firm because of its location and seemed like they could pay my expected salary. I spent the night in confusion. I had no idea which way to turn. Whether I must take the firm that accepted me, or wait a little longer for a better opportunity.

The next day, I was sick. I got a terrible sudden fever.

But I still went to the other firm for the interview. Poor that they can't decide right away of my acceptance. And since my fever was getting worse, I finally decided to release the firm that accepted me. I felt wrong. I called them by phone, saying I couldn't join them and apologized. They understood my decision. But then I cried. Tears just suddenly dropped from my eyes, I somehow felt hurt of letting go of something I wanted so much: a litigation law firm.

In the end, I wasn't accepted in the 'other' firm. I was accepted in a firm whose invitation was neglected by me at first, but I asked for a reschedule to them and they gave me a chance. Now here I am, in a place that I unexpectedly expected.

I was alone in a crossroad. No one was standing beside me. Some family members and friends gave me advices, but still I was the decision maker. But that's how my life always been. I am always the decision maker. Everyone may say anything, but no one can interfere me, not even standing on my way to get what I want.

My confusion turned into a poem. I analogized 'jobs' with 'loved people'. I think it's sort of similar, when you stand in a crossroad of which job to take, or which man/woman to fight for and be your lover. It's titled 'Crossroad.'

I'm just a girl in a crossroad
I'm in between two choices
I don't know which way to go
For I care about both

I'm just a girl in a crossroad
One way leads to ice mountain
I'm a sun who needs to shine there
I realize I must cross this path

I'm just a girl in a crossroad
Another way leads to green grass
A place I need to lay my head down
Because I'm tired of staying strong

I'm just a girl in a crossroad
Don't judge me for you never know
What it feels to be in my side
What it feels to have no idea

I'm just a girl in a crossroad
I'm not playing with hearts
I mean every word I say
And I mean my purpose to get there

I'm just a girl in a crossroad
One way is what I care about
The other is what I adore most
Why should I choose only one?

I'm just a girl in a crossroad
I'm just falling in love
And all I have is just love
For two hearts