Bukan Arifin Putra

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Hanya 'tuk bertemu denganmu

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(Intuisi - Yura)

How can there be a song which lyrics represent my own condition this perfectly? Did Yura read my Plurk timeline or what?

LOL.

Di postingan gue yang ini, gue pernah nulis soal gue naksir cowok gara-gara The Raid.  Dia suka karakter Uco-nya Arifin Putra, sebagaimana halnya gue yang sampe saat ini masih belum bisa memikirkan ide fanfiction selain The Raid khususnya kisah Uco. Dan dia waktu itu doodling gambar Uco yang menurut gue wow banget, secara biasanya cowok-cowok yang nonton The Raid kalo nggak cuma peduli sama action-nya ya fokusnya memuja Rama, si Iko Uwais cinta sejatinya Uco yang emang master silat.

Sepertinya waktu nulis postingan yang lama itu gue lupa sebut kalo di salah satu thread Plurk ada temennya yang komen ke dia kalo dia itu pas banget suka sama Uco, karena dia sendiri juga mirip Arifin Putra.

W.O.W banget nggak sih.

Terlepas dari ini orang beneran mirip Fin apa enggak, kayaknya waktu itu gue langsung nge-add dia jadi temen. Apa waktu itu gue sempet cek dulu ya? Duh, lupa juga gue.

Intinya, sih, pasti ada pengecekan lah. Dia itu, 'kan, kebanyakan temen-temennya temenan sama gue di Plurk dan Facebook. Jadi channel gue buat nge-stalk dia juga lumayan banyak, dan terbuka lebar hahahaha. Pas akhirnya gue nemu fotonya, hmmm...

Yaaa...

Nggak mirip Fin, sih. Ada garis muka yang sekilas punya kesamaan, tapi sekilas doang, cuma ya intinya oke sih menurut gue ahahahahaha yaaa selera gue, lah. 

Oke, cukup bahas fisiknya. Karena meskipun awalnya gue nge-add dia jadi temen dan jadi lumayan akrab karena kemudian kita temenan di Path, ketemuan, add LINE karena dia mau kerja di luar jadi nomer Indonesianya yang gue simpen udah nggak berguna, dan ketemuan cuma berdua yang gue ceritain di postingan sebelumnya itu gara-gara kata temennya dia mirip Fin, akhirnya yang bikin gue beneran jadi demen sepenuhnya adalah kepribadiannya.

Ya, kepribadian bagus ditambah fisik, otak, dan pekerjaan bagus, lah. Wkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwk.

I never met someone whom I can't get my conversations off of before. I never talked to my crush, or even my boyfriend, so excitingly that I was so hard to leave the table just to place a food order first or even to check my phone. And, I think it was not just me. If it was me, I would be tired after the date meeting because my energy was drained just to please him with my one-sided conversation. But it was far from such condition, since he also talked sooo much that I can't contain, about everything I knew until what I never knew.

I think, I want him for the rest of my life.

Or, if it was impossible, it must be someone like him.

Gue rasa nggak aneh kalo gue menginginkan sisa hidup gue ditemani oleh orang yang bisa ngobrol sama gue 25/8. Not anymore 24/7. Hubungan jarak dekat maupun jarak jauh berani gue tempuh kalo pasangan gue adalah orang seperti dia. Kalo di hubungan jarak dekat aja kita bisa ngobrol nggak selesai-selesai, bayangin kalo kita ketemuan pas hubungan jarak jauh. I can even imagine the thrill.

Meskipun perasaan gue ke dia emang nggak romantis.

I mean, like, I don't write cheesy poems, or some sweet words on social media status. I did, a few times, but they were all less romantic that what I did when I fell in love emotionally before. My heart did not even beat fast until I must hold my breath or even felt hard to speak. Not at all.

But, I love the colors he paints on me. I love how his cheerfulness being so contagious to me.

 

Bulan lalu, gue akhirnya memutuskan untuk pergi liburan ke kota di mana dia tinggal dan bekerja. Ini sebetulnya rencana tahun lalu, cuma tahun lalu gue batalin karena satu dan lain hal. Salah satunya karena dia punya gebetan kayaknya. Wkwkwk. Iya, gue baper.

Gue nggak lama ketemu dia, dan nggak sendiri pun karena emang gue perginya bertiga dari sini. Tapi dari gue cuma dapet kesempatan ngobrol sama dia di tengah-tengah dia juga mesti ngobrol sama temen-temen gue, gue merasa nggak ada yang berubah. He is still the same colorful person I met two years ago. He is still someone whose conversation I want to have forever with. He is still the one that I want.

And, he smelled like my husband.

Wait, no, I mean he used nice perfume.

Hahahahaha. No kidding. Waktu kita semua lagi jalan mau ke stasiun, dia bilang ke gue coba kalo gue dan temen-temen gue, tapi anggep aja gue doang nginepnya di sekitaran tempat kita ketemuan itu, seharusnya kita bisa ketemuan lebih lama dan nggak perlu buru-buru ngejar kereta. Dan dari obrolan begitu aja, topik kita bisa melebar ke sampe jam berapa kota masih aktif dan siapa aja yang bakal dipandang wajar dan aneh kalo masih berkeliaran tengah malem.

I wish I could change my ticket home.

Aaand, it was done there. 

Oh, ya, ada satu hal yang bikin gue sebel banget pas sebelum ketemuan sama dia. Jadi, gue tuh hari itu yakin banget gue udah masukin EDT vanilla gue ke pouch Zootopia yang fan-merch, bukan official wkwk tempat gue naro charger dan power bank. Tapi pas gue di toilet mall tempat ketemuan, somehow itu EDT hilang aja gitu. Nggak ada di pouch dan di tas padahal udah gue ubek-ubek. Akhirnya gue ketemuan sama dia tanpa parfuman dong, padahal badan udah bau tujuh rupa kali soalnya gue berangkatnya udah dari pagi. 

Gue kira itu EDT hilang, eh pas besok paginya packing gue cek lagi di pouch...ternyata ADA.

Bodo amat.

p..s: my friend tried to tease my when looking at a photo I took with him, like it was unusual that I smile in a photo. I know it was just a tease, but maybe, maybe he really brought up my positive energy. Not a new thing to know, though. LOL. 

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Gratitude of Notes and Words

I once entered a contest named 30 Hari Menulis Surat Cinta, which was held during January 14th until February 14th. The best letter would get a song written from his/her letter by my composer friend, Endy. As I ever posted before, he composed a song from my poem. So, I thought, to get a second single, I must win that contest.

How?

I wrote an anonymous letter to Endy. Not a love letter, for sure, but more to a gratitude letter. I bet he knew it was from me even before I told him it was from me LOL...and in the letter I kinda promised to have a poem made for him. Oh and why I wrote to him was because to win a contest we must once directly strike right to the sponsor of the prize. 

Yeah, of course I didn't win. LOL. I saw too much great letters with beautiful words and contents, who did I think I was to win such contest?

But I still keep the promise to write a poem for him. When I was jobless, I promised myself to write that poem once I got a new job. Now that I got a new one, I finally finished writing the poem. It took 3 days, seriously it was kind of hard to write a poem from outline. I made outline because I knew there were some words and lines that I must put in the poem, so that I wrote them first before I forgot. 

And here is the poem, I titled it first as 'Notes and Words' but I believe Endy would criticize me because the title doesn't show the content, so I changed it to 'Gratitude'. Do you love it or hate it? Check it out!

I was staring out мγ window
All мγ inspiration just flow
Felt as if time walks like slow
The pen in мγ hands helped mƐ show

I wrote those verses like unstoppable
Hoping for a melody to make them stable
When yőυ showed up I knew yőυ're able
Wε'd make мγ dream turn to possible

Suddenly I lived in a different world
Right when yoυя notes married мγ words
A song was born to this universe
After yőυ blew a breath into мγ corpse
If I didn't thank yőυ I'd be the worst
This poem is one of мγ gratitudes

Now the music is played everywhere
People said they Ľovε what wε did there
How can I pretend not to care
While I know yoυя effort to share?

Just one step closer to a masterpiece
Yőυ did it the way I know it needs
Brought mƐ to a place I wish to reach
Because of yőυ мγ life's turned to this

Yőυ know mƐ more than I expected
Yőυ made things greater than I guessed
I look to the sky, yőυ're what I get
A sunshine behind the clouds I had

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A Night to Remember: Love You at Your Worst

If you feel familiar with the title, I'm not surprised. This is the sequel of my previous posts about a song I wrote with friends and a small live show in fX.

In the beginning of February, I went karaoke again with my songwriting friends Budi, Dwan, and Endy. But since Endy was curious with my friend's voice, Gita, and we had a chance to ask out Alit, the singer of Love You at Your Worst, also Endah, another friend of ours, 7 people went dinner and karaoke together.

The epic moment was not the noisy karaoke session, but the small live show we made after. Again, since the piano and sound system were still in fX, we played that again, but now we sang Love You at Your Worst, and it was recorded. Poor that there was no mic, so if you want to listen to the vocal you must turn loudest your speaker volume.

Turn out, that was a good one. I don't know why in the chorus part I messed up with my low voice, making as if the song was performed duet LOL. I was so happy that my song could really be performed. As the songwriter, I feel proud and amazed at the same time. Probably every songwriter feels the same way in the first time his/her song is performed. 

 the Love You at Your Worst team

But after the performance was finished, out of nowhere a security came and told us not to play the piano, even asked us where we were from. When we told him we were just visitors, he forbid us to play, so we stopped while we planned to perform another song. The awkward thing was we were stopped right before the second performance, it was as if the security waited for us to finish the first performance to warn us. LOL. 

After all, we had a great night. Gotta do it all again!

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It Comes True!

Again, I have a dream and it comes true.

Last year, I had a dream of drawing 'today was a fairytale' and I made it true by drawing using MS Paint. This year, another dream has been true. I have dreamed about this since last year, but I just made it true this year. 

No, not I. It should be 'we'.

Finally, one of my short poem, At Your Worst, turned into a beautiful song titled 'Love You at Your Worst'. Turned into music and lyrics, performed by an awesome vocal.  

I really lost words to write, still I'm excited and amazed, since this is an awesome beautiful song, and some people love the lyrics adapted from my poem. I feel awesome, totally. 

Well, please listen and download the song here. 

All thanks to Endy, Budi, Dwan, and Alit. You guys have done so well, my dream comes true because of all of you! 

Dream comes true

It's so funny now that I see

How different life turned out to be

I realize that it's my destiny

by the way, Kat is so pretty in this performance totally distracted

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Awesome Poem?

What should I do?

 

 

 

I know. Everytime I found new lines, either words, phrases, or even sentences, I must write them down. And when I have a lot, I will combine them into poem. Right? Let's do it!

... 

 

Seriously, now it's not as  easy as it's seen. I have been in this condition before and I wrote around 150 poems, one or two each day. Or three. But now, it's hard. More probably that I am afraid of what I will write wouldn't be equal enough, compared to his work. Errr...what? But we don't even do the same work.

Now what am I saying? Blargh.

 

Right now, I am stuck.

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A Night to Remember

What is the craziest amusing thing you ever did with your friends?

I have a lot of. But the one thing I remember most is the musical night with my boys Budi, Dwan, and Endy in last Thursday, December 29, 2011. Why I remember the date is because it happened not too long ago, and by the end of the 2011. 

So, that day, we had a karaoke in Inulvista fX because one of my boys, Endy, who composed a song from my poem, wanted to listen to our voices before recording. Since the only one of us who has a sample recorded voice was Dwan, Budi suggested us to do karaoke together for a kind of live audition. This was funny as if it was serious, and we kinda related it with our plan to enter Indonesian Idol audition for we had already registered as participants LOL.

At the karaoke, we sang like crazy. Don't think that we did it seriously, because we didn't. We sang too high and too low, most of the time not connected with the melody LOL but it was totally fun to sing like almost screaming, going crazy with friends like that. I admit that I went all-out, releasing all the negative energy until only the positive one remained. I don't know the boys, but I love most when Budi and Dwan held the microphone to sing I Want It That Way by Backstreet Boys and I Drive Myself Crazy by N'SYNC while I and Endy did the backing vocal without mic. It was really laughable and memorable, to me, out of the rest of the songs we sang. 

Then, it was decided that the one who will sing the new song, Love You At Your Worst, is me featuring Budi and Dwan. That was acceptable, and I'd love to sing my own song with my adorable friends.  

After karaoke-ing, we sat in Sate Khas Senayan, and thank God the order was closed because we didn't mean to eat anything there, only wanted to sit LOL. Right before us there was a piano with its speakers. We joked like 'can I play it like David Archuleta?' or 'will we get busted if we try to play it?' until things like 'if someone tried to play it, you must play it, Ndy.' LOL. And guess what? A kid, maybe teenager, PLAYED it and didn't get busted! So when the kid left the piano, we came and tried to play it.

And yes, we did not get busted at all. Not only securities, I bet nobody really cared of what we were doing. Endy played the piano while I, Budi, and Dwan sang to every song he played. We really were like real singers, real musicians LOL. And of course, because we really love taking pictures, we took some photos with the piano. okay this is freak but damn we really did it

They were not all the photos, but I think enough representing our night. I don't know why Torchy's camera didn't seem to work well. Honestly two days before this day I dropped Torchy twice and hard, because there was a hole I late recognized on my hotpants pocket -____-

Back to the story, we took photos and sang some songs, but only until one chorus of each song. Aw I nearly forgot, the first time Endy touched the piano, he straight played Love You At Your Worst and sang it. I listened closely and...mother of God, my knees were weak! It was such a damn sweet song! I can't almost believe that my poem could really be a song, as I always dreamed about. I love the lyrics, love the piano line, I hope that I can sing it at my best when I record it. While I still in this post, I think I must give a huge thank to Endy for changing my plain poem into a beautiful song :)

The epic moment started here. When we sang the beginning of Adele's Someone Like You, some people came over, turn out two of them were Endy's friends. Back then, WE JUST SANG THE CHORUS PART TOGETHER! And we sang it until the end of the song. Damn, it really was a musical flashmob! What I used to do with Budi and Dwan is dance flashmob, but this one was a singing flashmob. Someone played the instrument, few of people sing to it, then some people come over, singing. 

When the song was over, we introduced ourselves to each others, and then left the piano, went home. Nahhh, we didn't really go home right away, because after Endy went downstairs to the parking lot, I, Budi and Dwan were still going to the toilet, on the way there we talked about what we just did. We came up with an idea of an arranged musical flashmob like that, instead of the dance one. But it was just a crazy idea coming up after doing a crazy thing.

I went home with a cab, thinking of what we just did. I was amazed. Damn, we gotta do that again. We. Got. To. Do. That. Again.

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To Love You At Your Worst

Today I finally got Adam Lambert's new single, Better Than I Know Myself. Such a beautiful music combined with beautiful lyrics, performed by beautiful voice. So inspiring. I am inspired.

This morning actually I have been thinking about some words I want to put in my new poem, but I still had no idea of the title and the content. But then after I listened to Better Than I Know Myself for maybe 5 times in a row LOL I got idea for a new poem, which title is At Your Worst. 

Like the lyrics in Better Than I Know Myself, my poem is also about can't let go of someone we love. We love him/her so much, but there are times we want to leave, but in the end we come back to him/her because we can't let him/her go. In Adam's song, the reason of not letting go is because the person knows us better than we know ourselves. But in my poem, the reason is because the person is the one for us and likewise. 

So, do you love it or hate it? Please drop some words!

I'm not looking for someone like you

I'm looking for you

The perfection with imperfection

The beauty with deep scar

To love you at your worst

Is the reason I was born in this world

When people look for a reason to love

Love is my reason to start

You're not my dream comes true

Because my reality is about you

There are times I can hate you too

But I can't find why I must leave you

I'm knocking on your door patiently

Waiting for you to let me in

I'm calling out your name silently

Hoping for you to hear and come in

You may not be what I'm looking for

But you're the one who completes me

And I may not be what you dream of

But I'm the one you need only

Oh...I edited some words a little. Still it doesn't change the content of the poem.

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Time is Up

I had funny conversation with my friends in WhatsApp chat group. So, one of my girls finally got a boyfriend last Friday night, then she told us in Saturday. In that chat, one of my boys acted as if he was jealous that this girl finally dates somebody and said he has composed song lyrics for that moment, but he hasn't made the music. I challenged him to upload his lyrics to the chat bar so that I could write a poem to reply it. He did it, we all read it and like touched because the lyrics were about losing someone to someone else and the subject ends up regret everything. It contains of some unusual words, that is why I really respect my friend for being some kinda talented.

Then I wrote a poem for the reply, which did not even take more than 10 minutes. The reply itself is about someone who has fought for the one she/he loved but failed because this beloved one did not let her/him in, so she/he gave up and told the beloved one not to search for her/him because she/he had decided to be with someone else.  

I don't know whether this is talent or what, but I guess it's not. Because I actually just re-used some words I have put in my previous poem, Farewell Rhyme, for the main idea is pretty much similar. LOL I know this is bad, not creative in other words. Ugh but like I care, I somehow like this poem. Its title is Time is Up, I really had no idea of others.

I spent ♏y lifetime for yőυ
Sailed with this broken ship
Just so that I can reach yoυя shore
And make ♏y own paradise

I spread ♏y wings and flown high
So high to reach yoυя sky
I believed heaven was there
Right in yoυя arms that I dreamed of

But the waves hit ♏y ship
The shore I saw was getting further
Lightning stroke ♏y wings
And they were torn into two
Yoυя sky was getting higher
While ♏y heart crashed the ground

Breaking yoυя wall takes a hard work
Opening yoυя door needs patience
While waiting for yőυ is nonsense
For yőυ never ever let mξ in

♏y time is up, I can't wait any longer
I see how wε're not meant to be
So I throw ♏y hopes away
To find a light that leads mξ

Don't come back to find mξ
I am nowhere for yőυ now
I have decided to live ♏y own path
The way yőυ live in yoυя world

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Simple is Beautiful

Lately I feel so hard to find good local songs. Well seriously their themes are only around broken hearts, uneasy feelings, and wanting to die. What can be taught to people, especially children, with such kind of lyrics?

I really miss old local songs, when musicians wrote about beautiful love, sweet life, admiration to adorable people, to lovers, and such things, with beautiful words like poems.

But beautiful words like poems don't seem to be the nowadays trend. Musicians now are more into simple words, straight to the point. Well I can't say it's a bad thing too, because people do change, they like things said straight to the point more. Besides, simple words can still be beautiful depends on the content of the lyrics and how the music goes.

So, I surprisingly found two local songs with simple lyrics but still cute, still beautiful, and still teaching good things.

this video above is Yang Kunanti performed by the handsome singer Ello. He , with his beautiful voice, sings (and composed, maybe?) a song about finding a perfect person after getting hurt so many times. The perfect person who completes him and makes him believe in love again. Such a simple beautiful lyrics in beautiful cheerful music. This song teaches positive things to people, especially to broken-hearted ones, not to stop believing in love. Not to stop knowing that there's somebody out there destined to each of us.

the video above is not a video, because the song hasn't been a clip video. it's titled Pertanda Cinta performed by Vierra, a group motored by an amazing sweet pianist Kevin Aprilio. the song itself is about falling in love (with a boy, because the vocalist is a girl) and she wants him to notice her signs of love. She wants him to do this and that because she falls in love with him and wants to be with him, but all she can do is just giving signs. Cute one, and positive too, so cheering and full of youth love. The simple lyrics match the cheerful music, and this teaches something about showing love to the opposites we have crush on.

So, simple lyrics can still be beautiful, equal as the poetic lyrics. But it depends on the content of the lyrics. I hope there would be more and more Indonesian musicians who will compose positive songs like songs I talked about above :)

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Please Be Mine

If you found attractive person with good attitude and kind heart, wouldn't you want him or her to be yours?

Well, everyone must have had experience like in this Jonas Brother's track. I didn't even know this track before until it becomes trending topic on Twitter today. Then I listened to the song, and thought this song is worth downloaded.

So, you, attractive person out there, please be mine :)

Please Be Mine - Jonas Brothers 

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Turning Tables

If you read my post before, well this one is my conclusion about it. This is the answer about all my confusions in previous post.

So, I listen to Adele's Turning Tables, but the Glee version one, which was performed by Gwyneth Paltrow as Holly Holiday. I checked the lyrics out, and I could imagine what condition that makes Holly sing that song in the episode, because I've listened to (and favorited) this song long before I watched the Night of Neglect episode last night.

Just if you want to know the lyrics, here it is.

Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say, you always say more 
I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can't breathe 
So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables 
Under haunted skies I see
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down 
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

those lyrics made me realize of what I'm doing. I might be thinking about somebody I deadly loved, and still I adore, but I do nothing. I make no moves. I just stay calm, thinking, then let it go like nothing ever happened. It's all because I don't want to be deserted again. Not by him nor my expectations of him.

Yes, because under his thumb, I can't breathe.

So, I'd rather doing nothing. If Lady Antebellum said 'I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all' in their Need You Now, then it's not valid for me. I don't need any more injuries that distract me from thinking and doing anything more useful. I don't want anything to stand on my way to my dreams no more. Next time I'll be my own savior. I won't make wrong decisions, won't let my heart fall to the wrong no more. I'm gonna quit expecting for uncertain stuff.

Right now, as I said before, I'm numb. I think of somebody, but it's just for a while. I might still love him, but the time has been come to say goodbye to turning tables.

I'm turning tables. I already had.

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Portfolio: When I Fell in Love

what's the craziest thing you did when you fell in love? or the sweetest? or the most creative? when someone was in love, she/he could just suddenly do unusual things. even things he/she never did before. or he/she improves things he/she could do. just in short, it happened to me.

so what did I do when I fell in love?

yep, doodling. in MS Paint.

before the last time I fell in love, I doodled. I have always loved doodling since I was kid. but I only doodled by pencil, and colored with markers or color pencils. I doodled some big pictures like pas-photo in MS Paint to be used as my avatars everywhere, but I could only drew the big ones. I thought it would be hard to doodle small detail pictures with MS Paint.

but then I fell in love. I also looked at some adorable doodles in Tumblr. and because I got my heart broken because I had unrequited love, I needed to do something to express my feeling. I found that doodling would be awesome, so I tried and I made it! not adorable doodles, of course, compared to those I seen in Tumblr, but at least I tried and was satisfied. I don't even know whether it was just me, but I think when I doodled about me and him, the guy whom I fell in love with, I doodled best.

So, let this post become one of my portfolios. LOL. here are the doodles.

that one was doodle I ever posted here. Today was A Fairytale from Taylor Swift's song.

that one was still from Today was A Fairytale. my crazy mind told me to make the sequel of the first doodle, and here it was. LOL.

it was when I knew he liked another girl, and not me. I used this as profile picture on my Facebook page just in case he saw it and realized. crazy, crazy mind.

now that I was upset about him dating another girl, I imagined we were married. um actually I didn't mean to doodle me with him, but the idea just came up, so...

I was upset to find him staying in my friendlist on Facebook. I mean it was okay if he didn't appear like that, but since I loved stalking him, that was what I got. anyway I've unfriended him now, so I'm not upset anymore. ah okay...since it was obvious in my doodle, now that you know which man I've been talking about :D

oh here it is. people said our faces resemble each others. and I came to think that we really were (we really are, I still think so). then I dyed my hair brown, chestnut, to change image and to be different than him. I even let my bangs grow so that I won't have bangs like him. still, it didn't work because the similar thing on us is face, not hair -_-

this one, too, I just wanna doodled a princess and a prince, but my crazy mind told me to doodle him and him again.

I love On The Line by N'SYNC, Mandy Moore, and BBMak. I just love that song, and it's still in my playlist until now. So I decided to quote the lyrics and doodled, and yes, crazy mind again, him again.

now this one was based on true story LOL he really told me that 'you're so lawyer' and 'you're smart and beautiful.' and this was the first time I doodled myself wearing lawyer cape :D

because I know our faces resemble each others, and at that time my heart was too broken to doodle him, I converted us to be opposite twin. it was actually also based on my novel character, a boy and a girl twin, then I try imagining me and him as those characters. it worked, the twin doodles are...well, I like them :)

this one is also from Taylor Swift's Sparks Fly. I just love that song, and I loved the way he smiles. I downloaded the frame from somewhere I found in Google.

this is a doodle challenge from my sister. she wondered whether I can draw 'someone who is doodling', then I took it as a good idea to try. and then crazy mind again, him again...

this really was what happened when I first saw him. I was broken-hearted, through a week since I broke up with my last boyfriend, then I saw him in the crowd. I was in a halal-bihalal in Ministry of SME's & Co with my colleagues in previous office, and he was with his friends too, from ministry.

this one is my most favorite! this also inspired me to doodle strip-comics. based on true story too, so he told me that he was auditing in my office building. I doodled while hoping I wouldn't see him in elevator because I'd be lazy to act nice to him.

So, are you falling in love? or getting your heart broken?

Then, do anything with all your abilities, talents, or efforts, to express it because you worth it!

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Let the light shine on me ♪♫

In the previous post, I posted a song from Camp Rock titled This is Me (Gotta Find You) performed by Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas. Then I'm kinda inspired to write according to the lyrics.

So, have you ever found moments when you know you're exactly where you're supposed to be? Because it happened to me about 3 times :)

The first was when I was in 3rd grade of high school.

I was in social class instead of science class. I had always dreamed to enter social class since I was in middle school, because I realize science sucks (I mean I'm suck in science LOL) and I knew it more when in first and second grade of high school, no matter how hard I try to befriend with science, I always failed. So I always put in mind and told my parents and homeroom teacher that social class was the one made for me. Then I successfully went there, although my points allowed me to enter science. My homeroom teacher supported me. Mom supported me but she required me to gain a position in top 10 of the class, I accepted her challenge as a risk for acting against her wish to put me in science class. I was arguing with Dad because he insisted that I can still be successful in science class and it would smoother my way to college, but I said it was bullsh*t and disagreed, insisted to be in social class, that brought us in a kinda cold war after that LOL.

I really found my school time in social class. I just realize what's called 'studying' there. I love the subjects and befriend with teachers. I successfully got highest points in some subjects in class, and be in top 3 of class. Knowing I made it, my parents couldn't say anything against me. Social class was the place where I was supposed to be, and I was exactly there.

The second was when I was in law school.

Since in first class of high school, I have always told my friends how I wanted to study in law school after graduating from high school. I told my parents too, and, again and again, I argued with Dad about this. I dreamed to be a lawyer, he told me it was a dirty job that would taint me. But one day when I gave up to be in a law school in university that I dream to enter, and almost decided to enter another faculty, he stopped me and said miracles can happen if I believe and struggle (sh*t, tears almost drop when I remember this moment haha).

So I took the entrance test and checked my answers in a course I was in. From the result of that checking, I seem to fail the test. Not at all, I can still go to law school in my 2nd university choice, but Mom didn't allow me to study there since it was far from home (actually it wasn't that far, just in Bandung, she was just acting too much). But then I didn't understand what happened. When I was in first days in graphic design school that I entered as an alternative, I was accepted in law school in my 1st university choice. Well, maybe miracle did happen :D

I struggled when I was there, it wasn't easy, seriously. To have so many brilliant friends, I felt like so dumb. But I didn't give up, I just fell in love with my specialty program since the first time I step there. I entered the executive student organization, being active, and I seemed to find my school life there. My GPA was getting higher, I got so much friends, I learned so much lessons in class and organizations. I even applied as candidate for the executive president, but I was eliminated. Still, so much fun. Law school, and its organizations, was the place where I was supposed to be. And I really was there :)

The third is now, when I'm in a litigation law firm, and on my way to be a lawyer.

Should I still write about this? I think I have posted about this before, so I don't have to, right? LOL just kidding, I will.

I have passed my probation period, and now I'm the jobholder. Still not yet a lawyer, I haven't even taken the course nor the bar exam, but it doesn't matter. I was requested to work on some complicated cases that I never understood since I didn't take the subject in law school. But I can't give up, of course because I'm paid here haha, so I tried to finish 'em. Still so much fun, because every challenge, every assignment, is a new lesson I learn. I only took a few of economic law subjects, but I learn about them here when I worked on cases. So much fun.

And I'm still on my way to be an independent lawyer. I still dream to be, and I thank God that I didn't let go of that dream. This is the place where I'm supposed to be, and I'm exactly here.

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now I found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me...

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Indonesia Can Make It

Have you ever noticed Indonesia by comparing it to other countries?

I have. And here is my analysis.

I am so very sad to see Indonesia's TV load. Look at those miserable dumb TV series and reality shows. And don't forget the talent contest that annoy us. Why can't people in TV make better programs? Don't they have better ideas?

I believe we, Indonesian people, are creative and talented. We still have great ideas in art, technology, and other majors. I believe we all can be great inventors and artists. But where are we, who have such hidden talents?

If they who have real talent are hired by TV to make good programs, I think it's no more impossible that TV Series in Indonesia are no more crappy like Cinta Fitri, Putri yang Tertukar, or worse, Supergirl. I believe we'll have great TV series like Hollywood's How I Met Your Mother or Parenthood, like Korea's Full House or Princess Hours, like Japan's Yamada Taro Monogatari, like else.

So why don't you, TV people, watch and learn from those foreign series?

I feel so pitiful to see Indonesian musician/singer/whatever it's called nowadays. They are so LACK of VOCAL quality. That's why they keep on doing lipsync when performing on live music programs. So pitiful, they can't sing, even compose lame songs, but they record albums. They RECORD albums, OMG.

Where are they, singers from talent contests who have awesome, amazing vocals? Why don't they record albums? They even deserve stage a lot more than trashy 'musicians' who can only do lipsync with their lame songs.

I believe Indonesian music will go international if we record albums only from qualified singers. They won't put us in shame if their songs are in chart outside Indonesia. They won't embarrass us when they perform live because they have amazing vocal and won't do lipsync. I do believe.

And, did you notice Japan's Sanrio or Hollywood's Disney? They have OMG ASDGFJSKA superb brilliantly amazing CUTE CUTE characters!!! And what do they do with that? They make the TV films, movies, and sell the cute cute merchandises. I keep envying them who have created such amazing things. So many characters with different shapes and names, and different stories.

Can't Indonesia make it? I believe we can. We have so many amazing illustrators and cartoonist. We have so many people who can create characters. We have a lot of creative people.

I don't make fun with this, seriously. When I went to design school, before I was accepted in law school, I was shown the seniors' works and I was like o_O. They created characters, cartoons, and the pictures were moving. I was o_O and :O when watching them moving and thought design wasn't my place because I won't let myself pushed to create such amazing moving pictures. I mean it's not my passion. But I will never forget that o_O experience, that made me believe how Indonesia have big assets: the talented people.

So why don't this country explore its people's talent? Why don't they search people with pure talent, not them with half talent? Why can't producers pay high for good creations, not trash? Why can't this country help paying these talented people's needs and on the contrary they will give their best creations to this country?

I don't understand why producers, or whatever it's called, want to pay so high for trash. For anything that's not artistic at all. But I somehow hope there are still some sane people who will realize, soon, that this condition is terrible. I hope they can turn everything bad into good. From trash into something precious. And if they need my support, I will try my best to give them. Ah but, right now, maybe not financially. LOL

Do you believe we can make it?

I believe.

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Adam Lambert: Whole in One Package and Special Treatments

Ahem. well, again, this post is about that adorable amazing musician, Adam Lambert.

what makes me fall so deep for him is not because I watched every week of American Idol season 8 last year, since I had no cable TV yet last year. instead, I first listened to his voice in the coronation song, No Boundaries. right when I listened and compared it to Kris Allen's version, I have known who should have won that contest. No Boundaries is an awesome track with cool music and deep lyrics. Kris made it easy-listening, good one. but Adam put the soul into the track, so that I (and probably some listeners somewhere) can feel what the composer wants to say through that song.

that day, I knew a star has been born.

as time passed by, I see how Adam is not only a new star-born. he got experience since he was so young, he even ever made an album before came to Idol. ah, but, that recording was not that good, at least in my opinion, it was not like Adam singing those songs because the songs are plain, there are no difficulties singing them, there are no high notes nor complicated arrangement. too easy for an Adam Lambert, I guess.

I also see how Adam has a lot of genius fans (including me LOL). the genius fans who never cared of his sexuality, his too-edgy appearance, his controversial performances, and whatever people hates about him. the genius fans are focusing only to his style and talent. to his music. to his voice. isn't it sweet? Adam's so very lucky to have such fans. and he didn't make fans that way, instead he's done a hard work during the Idol and previously gained stage and singing experiences through those opera shows.

well, let's stop the compliments about him, I bet I'll take everyday to give him compliments and praises, like what I do on Twitter lately LOL. what I really, really mind about him is the special treatments and rights he got after the Idol.

what special rights? oh don't tell me you don't know. every Glambert must knows No Boundaries were recorded for Adam and Kris. No Boundaries is a coronation song which should have been the winner's, and only the winner's.

I want to give an example about this coronation song stuff. American Idol season 7 had David Cook as the winner, and David Archuleta as the runner-up. the coronation song was The Time of My Life, which was sang by two of them before the winner was announced. it means there were also 2 versions of the song. but when I search everywhere, I never ever found The Time of My Life in Archuleta's version. I only and always found Cook's, whether it is the studio version or the stage version. seems like no one is allowed to upload the Archie's version because the song has legally become Cookie's. and that way, The Time of My Life is David Cook's song.

correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the winner of Idol season 8 Kris Allen? it should have made No Boundaries legally his, no? while in reality, I don't know the consideration but Adam also recorded No Boundaries. and those two versions are available in an album: The American Idol Season 8. furthermore, in that album, every contestant should have recorded only one song, right? there might be special treatment for the winner, okay, he/she is allowed to record more than a song.

it was not happening to that compilation album. what happened was: Adam and Kris recorded No Boundaries in their own version, Kris recorded She Works Hard for The Money, Adam recorded Mad World.

what happen to the label actually? they let the runner-up do the same exact things with the winner. they give Adam the same right with Kris. they got the same treatment, while people knows exactly that the winner is Kris and the runner-up is Adam. name those special rights now: (1) coronation song, (2) more than one recording in compilation album.

and the newest special right is (3) the Idol mentoring. for the first time in history, an Idol alumni becomes the guest mentor for current Idol contestants. say, I don't have to tell you that (again and again) Adam has been chosen to mentor the Idol season 9's contestants.

this number (3) right is, I think, too much. now Adam got another special right more than every Idol winner ever had. it was okay that he was the first performer in VH1 Unplugged, since it was all about his own album. but now, he is the first Idol guest-mentor from Idol alumni? honestly, really, I'm thinking as deep as I can think about this matter. is it now still about Adam's talent? he might recorded 2 songs, including the coronation track, because he's talented and wanted and it was too bad if he only recorded a song in that album. but, first Idol guest-mentor? hello?

I'm a Glambert, one of those genius fans, and I deeply love Adam. I think of him and listen to his songs 24/7. but in this case, I must see things objectively. this is not fair. I'm sorry, Glamberts, but this is not fair. Adam is a runner-up from season 8. he only had passed a year after his season. his singles and album might be sold out and reach high position in charts everywhere, but he's still so very new to showbiz world. I can't disagree of what some people say, that some former Idols deserve this right more than Adam. they can give this opportunity to Kelly Clarkson, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood, or maybe to David Cook. somehow, Adam's still too fresh for this job.

ah but at least I find this condition better than before, when they invited Miley Cyrus as guest mentor LOL.

I'm thinking and thinking. the more I think the more I worry and am terrified of what happens to Adam this far. I remember how some old teenagers made breakthrough in music-biz and now they are nowhere. they're still known, but their songs are no more hits. their albums are no more sold-out. name some of them: Avril Lavigne, Britney Spears, Hanson, and those girl and boy bands. they're known, still, but their songs are not the upper-hits anymore.

that's what I don't want to happen to Adam. he's way too good to be in such condition. he got style and talent in one package. it's a precious thing not every artist/performer can have. showbiz, music-biz, whatever entertainment world would lose a real entertainer if it happened to Adam. that is why I don't really like that he got too much special rights and treatments this soon.

but oh well, despite all those worries and probability, I still think, consider, make some discussions, watch Idol this season, and many things. in the end, I guess I realize that Adam deserves to be a guest mentor in Idol this season. because he might be the one and only contestant who has style, talent, and identity. what I say identity is the character of his voice. no matter what genre he brings, we can still recognize and say: oh, this is Adam Lambert! and he sings in his own way, no matter what the genre is.

stage performance : checked. studio recording: checked. voice range: checked. voice character: checked. fashion style: checked. attitude: checked. professionalism: checked. genius fans: checked.

well Adam, I think you now perfectly harvest what you have planted since long ago.

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Look into my eyes, Baby, eyes

you know what? we need to thank YouTube and its friendly video uploaders. I don't have MTv in my darn cable TV so I didn't watch Adam Lambert's fab performance on VH1 Unplugged, but all of the videos are now available on YouTube.

anyway, this is one of my favorite Adam's song and performance (I love all of them actually, but this is one of them)



Music Again is the first track on the album For Your Entertainment. deeply I have fallen in love with this song ever since the first time the CD was still tested in the store, but maybe I won't fall so deep if the singer's not my fantastic Adam :)

I always, always pay big attention to the amazing very high notes in the part 'look into my eyes, Baby, eyes' while thinking how come Adam can sing it as well. he made it even real in some of his live show, which make me wow too much LOL. but in this unplugged version, that 'look into my eyes, Baby, eyes' part wasn't sang in high notes. Adam made it low and a little plain, but it was smooth and so very easy listening, so that the song doesn't lose its value at all. even it becomes one of my favorite Adam's performance.

oh well, I think it's enough. just enjoy the video, Readers, because if I don't stop then I can spend all day and night writing about Adam here LOL

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